Two is better than one
by creepweirdoloser
Summary: "Maybe he had just realized that life was there, right in that moment and never again, every single moment was there only once and then they faded away." AU, eventual Roy/Ed
1. Reunion

**Two is better than one****  
**  
**Disclaimer: Hiromu Arakawa owns the characters; I'm just… playing with them. : D If there's something you don't recognize, it belongs to me.**

A/N: This was _**supposed **_**to be a short little thing but ended up being the longest fic I've written… :D And the longest thing I've ever written in English… since it isn't my native language. That is why there might be a lot of mistakes and why the text might not be that fluent. Sorry about that… Please review and let me know how I could improve my writing.  
I'm not sure yet how many chapters there will be… I have already finished this fic but I have to edit it. It might take some time since I'm quite busy with school and other writing projects. But since I have a holiday atm, I'm trying to update this as much as possible. c: Anyways… enjoy the fic! **

1. **Reunion**

When Ed finally started to have time, when he finally started to live the way he was supposed to live, he had realized something. That he was young. And even though he had pretty rough past behind him, in his future there could be so many things, they were just waiting for him. And even if he had plenty of reasons to give up or just to act like he knew everything about anything, like there couldn't be anything to experience anymore, that he had been past all that, still Ed put that all aside.

Maybe that was because of Al and the fact that he had finally gotten his body back and was enjoying his life more than ever. Maybe that was… inspiring Ed somehow. Maybe he had just realized that life was _there_, right in that moment and never again, every single moment was there only once and then they faded away. It was sad, for sure but… Ed had decided to see the light side of things. If he lived fully through those moments, as if he could die tomorrow, then every little moment could have a meaning.

For so many years Ed had spend by reading and being busy, dealing with death and desperation, now suddenly, he was free. His childhood ended pretty quickly and roughly when he had made the biggest mistake of his life but none of that mattered anymore. Because he had promised to himself that he wouldn't waste his youth totally.

So he suddenly was like any young person, he had quitted military, he was going to school, studying alchemy of course, suddenly he had plenty of friends and he spend a lot of time with them. He was just… having fun. It was all so new for Ed. But he enjoyed every single second of it.

Well, of course he was still _Ed_ – he spent a lot of time by reading books about alchemy but somehow… He felt like he was _free_ for the first time. Free from his past, free from everything. Ed knew that those days would be over too, that he would be an adult, he would get a job, maybe as a teacher who taught alchemy, he would settle down with someone and everything that… _normal_ people usually did.

He liked being who he was, Edward Elric, nothing more, nothing less. A normal guy with a normal brother and friends. A normal life. For Ed and Al too… it was a heaven. 

One day Ed was hanging out in the central with his friends when he was laughing and walking, watching at Keith who was goofing around as he usually did. Then suddenly Ed bumped into someone.  
"Oh, I'm sor –"

Ed's sentence was never finished when he realized who he had bumped into. Ed could only stare at the man in front of him, unable to say anything.  
"Well… this is a pleasant surprise."  
"Colonel…?"  
A familiar smirk appeared on Roy Mustang's face.  
"No, not anymore."

Ed blinked and then he realized. "Oh yea, you finally managed to be the Führer. Congrats…"  
It was strange for Ed to look at the dark eyes which had gotten so familiar to him. For some reason, he had no idea how he should be around Mustang.

"I did. But then I had to quit the military."  
Ed's eyes widened. _Quit… Mustang of all people had to give up military_? Mustang glanced around and Ed realized too that his friends were looking at the two of them looking pretty confused.

"Anyways, this isn't the right time or place to discuss about that. I'll see you around."  
And then he passed Ed with a nod. Ed turned around to see his back getting further and further away.

"Who was that," Gregory asked with pure confuse in his expression.  
"He was… someone I've known for a long time. Sorry guys, I've really gotta go," Ed muttered and before he got any answers, he ran after Mustang.

"Why did you quit the military," Ed asked out of breath when he caught the man. Mustang looked pretty amused when he glanced at Ed but Ed didn't mind about it.  
"You're still the same, aren't you?"

Ed shrugged and looked at the man next to him, admitting to himself that he was curious. Not only when it came to Mustang quitting the military but… maybe for personal reasons too. He wanted to know how he was doing because Ed hadn't seen the man for a long time.

Mustang led him to an apartment building and Ed followed him inside to the staircase.  
"So, this is where you live…?"  
Ed heard Mustang snorting.  
"Obviously, yes."

Ed snorted too, remembering how annoying Mustang could be when he always managed to make Ed feel like a total idiot. They climbed the stairs to the second floor and Roy opened the door, letting Ed politely in first. Ed went in because he had always been pretty straight forwarded person.

He looked around shamelessly and then glanced at Mustang who was looking only more amused. He went pass Ed who followed him into a room which turned out to be the kitchen. Ed watched as Roy unpacked the paper bag he had been carrying. Coffee, bread, some fruits, tooth paste…

"Care for a cup of coffee?"

Ed nodded and sat down as Roy put the pot on the stove. Ed watched as Mustang spanned around the kitchen and then Ed looked more around. In the hall he had seen the living-room, couch, bookshelf, coffee table and a door to the balcony. There was most definitely also a toilet, a shower and Mustang's bedroom. It was a small apartment but somehow it was also rather cozy. Mustang gave a mug to Ed and poured some coffee.

"You drink it black, right?"  
Ed nodded and was a bit surprised that he remembered. He poured himself some too and sat across Ed. Mustang drank and watched – no, _stared_ – at Ed.

"I was retired," he suddenly said and seemed to enjoy the fact that Ed nearly choked on the coffee. "Retired…? What the fuck, you're not _that_ old, are you?"  
Mustang grinned.  
"Do I _look_ like I'm that old?"  
Ed glanced at him for a while and shrugged.  
"The hell I know…"

"I wasn't able to work no more. It would've been the end of my healthiness. The fact that my lungs are fucked up from all the smoke and the fact that I'm half blind… well, those sure weren't good qualities when it came to war for example."

Ed looked at the man, seeing the shadow appearing on his face. Ed realized that it must've been hard for him. Finally, when his dream had came true, it was taken away from him, everything.  
"Well… they suck anyway so it wasn't that big loss for you," Ed said and wondered if Mustang would glance at him with that look which told that he was just a kid who knew nothing.  
"Guess so…"  
Mustang smiled a bit.

"So… What you've been doing? Have you gotten a job somewhere?"  
Mustang chuckled a bit.  
"Nah, with the money military gave me, I'll survive easily to my death bed. It feels pretty weird though, having so much free time, waking up, realizing that I don't have to go anywhere if I don't _feel like it._ It's weird but… nice too."

Ed looked at him and he looked back and they both knew exactly what Mustang was talking about.  
"What about you? I heard you've started studying."  
Ed nodded.

"That's true. It's awesome… I think I wanna teach alchemy some day."  
Mustang grinned widely.  
"What," Ed groaned.  
"Oh, nothing at all… Just a funny thought. Wouldn't it be amusing if your students were taller than you are?"

Ed rolled his eyes. "Ha-ha, very funny… I'm not that short anymore…"  
"Sure. But you'll always be short. And when you get older, you'll start shrinking and you'll be even shorter. Too bad I won't be seeing it."  
Ed snorted and realized that Mustang hadn't changed at all.

"How about Al? How's he?"  
Ed felt a smile appearing on his face, as always when it was about Al.  
"He's doing damn well. He's been studying but he can't seem to decide what he wants to do in the future so he has changed his main subject pretty much. And he has had plenty of girlfriends," Ed added grinning. Mustang snorted a bit and watched Ed for a while.  
"How about you?"

For some reason Ed felt himself pretty confused as Mustang's stare was that… intensive?  
"Um, well… I've dated some."  
It was only a white lie, right? In reality, sure, Ed had _been_ on dates but never really dated anyone…

Mustang took a sip from his mug.  
"It's amazing how some girls like shorter boys, isn't it?"  
Ed gritted his teeth. Nowadays he barely ever got pissed about when it was about his height but… Old habits die hard. Mustang was still damn good at provoking Ed.  
"Fuck off," Ed muttered as Mustang smirked.

"Have you been in touch with the others from the team," Ed asked then. Roy nodded.  
"Mostly with Hawkeye, but I've been drinking with Havoc and everyone else too. But no one has seen you around for a while..."  
Ed had no idea what Mustang was thinking, Ed couldn't tell, he had never been able to do that but he was sure that he wasn't the only one.

"Yea… I've been pretty busy, with all the new stuff and all… But I think I could come drinking with you guys sometime…"  
Mustang nodded and grinned once again.  
"I'd _love_ to see how much you can take before you're completely wasted. You know, being that _small_ and all…"

_Honestly, did that man never stop_?  
"You seriously have some weird obsession about my height, don't you?"  
"Might be."

Why was Ed feeling like that? Somehow… confused because of the fact he couldn't interpret Mustang's expressions at all… Why was he feeling a bit nervous? But then Mustang changed the subject and Ed could relax again and forget his weird feelings.

The time went by and neither of them seemed to realize it. The coffee had turned cold long time ago, the clock had ticked on the wall, but they had just talked – about everything. Military, alchemy, their lives… Ed had lost his track of time until Roy rubbed his neck and looked outside, saying: "It's getting dark."

Ed glanced at the clock and jumped up.  
"Fuck, is it that late? I gotta go."  
Mustang got up and followed Ed to the hall.  
"Wait, Fullmetal…"

Ed grinned a bit when he heard the name Mustang had called him. Old habits really die hard, Ed thought. "It looks like it's gonna rain. Take this," Mustang said and handed Ed an umbrella. Ed took it and once again he felt himself confused. Wouldn't it be more like Mustang to let him get totally soaked in the rain…? Maybe he _had changed_ after all…

"Um, thanks… I had… fun, I guess."  
Mustang smiled, no grin, no smirk, but a smile. It was weird.  
"Me too."  
Ed opened the door and said: "See ya… Flame."

Ed went in to the dark staircase and he almost managed to the stairs, when Mustang said:  
"Fullmetal… Come by again sometime."  
Ed nodded and watched as Roy closed his door, leaving Ed to the darkness. Ed jumped down the stairs and went out. The rain was already pouring down. Ed opened the umbrella and walked home, feeling himself really happy. 


	2. So do you come here often?

**2. "So… do you come here often?"**

"You've been in a good mood lately," Al said when Ed was lying down on the sofa, humming to himself. "Guess so…"  
"Has something good happened? Oh I know; you've met some girl!"

Ed glanced at Al and snorted.  
"No, I haven't. Talking about, how are things with Rebecca?"  
Al smiled softly.  
"Pretty good. I think… no, I _know_ she is the one."  
Ed grinned a bit. _So you've said with every single girl you've dated…_

"What about your girl," Al asked, finally realizing that Ed was trying to change the subject.  
"There isn't any girl, alright? I just ran into someone we've known for a long time…"  
Al stared at Ed for a while before he blurted out: "You ran into _colonel Mustang?"_

Ed was surprised how Al had realized right away.  
"Uh, yea… how did you know?"  
Al shrugged. "I don't know, I just somehow got the feeling…"

Ed observed him for a while before he just snorted and grinned when remembered the things he had talked about with Mustang.  
"He isn't a colonel anymore. He's retired."  
Al's eyes widened and Ed was guessing that his own expression was exactly the same when Mustang had told him. Ed explained the situation to Al who was quiet for a long time.

"Wow… that's really… something. So, is he the reason why you came so late a few nights earlier?"  
Ed was hesitant before he answered with a nod.  
"I went to his apartment and we talked for hours, I lost my track of time."  
"Oh, really…" Ed glanced at Al and somehow he was feeling uncomfortable.

"So, what are you going to do today?" Al shrugged.  
"I think I'll go somewhere with Rebecca. You know, her best friend Amy is really sweet; she's petite and dark, your preference, right? I was thinking that you could come too…"

Ed yawned and stretched his arms. "I'm gonna pass this time…"  
Al watched at Ed a while before he sighed. "If you say so, brother…"

That day Ed spent mostly by hanging in the apartment and reading but somehow he was too restless to really concentrate on anything. He was just wondering… about Mustang. What was he doing? Was he alone in his apartment? Maybe Ed should step by… But wouldn't that be a little intrusive? What if he just wanted to be alone?

But he had said that Ed could come by again… Well, sure that didn't mean that Ed could just come around every day, disturbing Mustang…

"I'm going now, brother." Ed sneered and sighed as the door was closed by Al. Ed got up and glanced at the clock in the living-room. It was 8 pm. Ed got up and decided that he wouldn't spend the evening alone in the apartment, he needed something to do, somewhere to go, when he was feeling so restless.

_I guess a walk can't be a bad thing_… Ed put his jacket on and grabbed the keys before he rushed out of the door. Ed hadn't felt like that in a long time. Like his foot were burning, aching, wanting to take Ed somewhere far away. He couldn't be still even for a little moment and he just wanted to run around, without any destination. Ed had no idea _why_ he was feeling like that. He had been perfectly fine for such a long time now… And old habit maybe?

Ed was just about to turn from the corner when he suddenly bumped into someone.  
"Do you intentionally bump into me every time?" Ed bit his lip. _Oh crap._ How was that possible? How did he manage to bump into _Mustang_ once again? Ed glanced at his smirking face.

"I could ask you the same thing," Ed muttered but then he realized that he was… kind of happy.  
"Oy, it's boss! Err – I mean, Ed…" Ed glanced at the man beside Mustang and grinned when he recognized him. It was Havoc. "It really is," a short man next to Havoc said and straightened his glasses.

Ed looked at them and felt exited, he hadn't seen their faces for a long time and it was then when he realized that he kind of missed listening to their stupid jokes.  
"We're actually headed to a bar nearby… Care to join us?" Ed glanced at Mustang and nodded.  
"Sure… Oh, but I left my wallet at home… I'll go get it, you go ahead."

Ed was just about to turn around, when Mustang grabbed his arm. "You don't have to, I'll pay for you."  
Ed wanted to refuse but there was something in the look of Mustang's eyes which told Ed that it was pointless, that he _would_ pay and that's it.

"You see, Ed? Roy's such a gentleman, isn't he," Havoc chuckled and didn't seem to mind about Roy's grunt. "Right…"

Ed began to follow his old colleagues when they walked towards the street. _Mustang, a gentleman…_ What the heck was that all about? Ed decided not to mind about that and soon they entered to a bar which was crowded. They left their jackets and once again Ed followed the three men as they went to the bartender.  
"Look, there's Hawkeye, Breda, Falman… Everyone's here."

Ed watched in the direction Mustang had nodded and realized that it was true. Ed heard Mustang ordering something and then he gave a drink for Ed. "Here you go."  
"Uh… thanks." Ed tasted the drink and realized that _sometimes_ Mustang had a good taste.

"Why don't you go and talk to them?" Ed glanced at Mustang and nodded, following Fuery and Havoc who were already going to greet everyone. Ed was welcomed in their company warmly and he spent long time just talking with everyone about how things were and of course Ed wanted to know too what was going on in the military.

The waiter came often and brought drinks for Ed who realized that Mustang was paying for every single one. That made Ed feel like a parasite but he decided to remind himself to pay back at Mustang. Ed had never liked living on someone else's wings and he would never do it, even if it the one paying him was someone Ed disliked… No, _had disliked_. A long time ago.

Ed heard from Riza things about Mustang, how he had gotten depressed after being retired.  
"How about women? He still spins 'em around?"  
Ed had forgotten to ask from Mustang himself even though he had asked from Ed about his girlfriends.

"Pretty much yes… But sometimes I get the feeling that he's waiting for someone… has been waiting for a long time perhaps." Ed automatically glanced at Mustang who was flirting with some woman.  
That sure didn't look like waiting for someone. "If you say so," Ed muttered though he was pretty suspicious. After all, Riza was a woman. Women had a weird habit of imagining certain things…

Later on, when Ed was already a bit drunk, he went to the barstool and sat next to Mustang.  
"So… do you come here often?" Mustang glanced at him and chuckled pretty much.  
"It depends… I come here if I have some good company. How about you?"

Why was it that once again Ed was feeling himself pretty nervous and uncomfortable? Was there some hidden meaning behind Mustang's words? Well, Ed had realized only afterwards that his sentence wasn't maybe the perfect one… "Um… I've never really been here before, I guess. Usually me and my friends go to one of central's bars."

"Really?" Ed nodded and looked anywhere else but in Roy's dark eyes.  
"A-anyways, I'll pay you back sometime… you know, for all the drinks…" Mustang snorted a bit.  
"No need to." Ed glared at the man.

"I _will_ pay back. I'm not some fucking parasite you know." Mustang stared at Ed's face for a while before he nodded. "Alright. Next time you'll pay."  
And with those words, Mustang turned around and started discussing with some woman who was clearly someone Mustang had known for a long time.

Ed didn't sacrifice his thought for Mustang anymore, he concentrated on the girl who suddenly appeared in front of Ed and asked cheerfully to dance. Ed agreed and got up, letting her lead him to the dance floor. Ed focused on the rhythm and he adapted the girl's moves. Ed had never been that good dancer but it didn't bother him at all, he was having fun – that was the most important thing, right?

Suddenly Ed felt eyes on him and somehow he got the feeling that the owner of them was… Mustang. Ed glanced at his direction but he was still talking with that woman. _Weird_, Ed thought but forgot about everything when that girl laughed and grabbed Ed's collar and kissed him passionately.

****

"And then he drank it all! It was fucking insane but he did it and we were laughing so damn much and the morning after he had the worst hangover ever and he swore to god he would never drink again but I bet he's drinking right now! Fred's the best… I wonder where he is right now. I kinda miss him, haven't seen him in a while… Mustang, where's Fred?"

Mustang sighed and grabbed Ed's hand.  
"Alright, it's time to get home…"  
Ed didn't refuse when Mustang practically dragged him out of the bar. "Fuuuck, I'm so drunk…"  
"I'm sorry; I shouldn't have gotten you into that condition…" Ed laughed a bit.

"It's fine, I had fun and that's… what do they say…?" Mustang snorted, sounding amused.  
"I have no idea what you're talking about. Where do you live?" Ed shook his head.  
"No, I can't go home… Al's gonna nag at me all morning about drinking this much and hell, _that's_ pain in the ass." Mustang sighed.

"Fullmetal… Can't you just bare with it?"  
"I don't think I can… I mean, I _love_ Al, he's the best brother in the whole world but sometimes he treats be like _I'm_ the younger of us… Damn annoying… It went to his head when everyone else thought that…"  
"I can understand why Al sees you as his _smaller_ brother, he's – what? – two inches taller than you are?"

Ed hit Mustang with his left hand a bit. "You… you're such an asshole. But I still kinda like you. I mean, you were always so good for us; you took care of us even though you never showed it really… Didn't you?"

Ed glanced at Mustang who looked pretty serious for a change. It was pretty hard for Ed to focus his stare but he was able to do it. "I did… I always looked out for you… I mean, for the two of you."  
Ed smiled and leaned onto him. "I knew it…"

"Alright, Fullmetal, you can stay at my place for tonight."  
"Really? Gee, thanks, you're so awesome…" Mustang snorted.  
"What about Al? Won't he be worried?" Ed shook slowly his head.  
"Nah, he's used to the fact that sometimes I don't come home by night."  
"If that's the case… let's move on."

****

" – Do you get it, Mustang? He's so fucking nice, he always thinks about everyone else first, he's always been like that… God, I love him so much, he's the best brother in the whole world, did you know that?" Mustang snorted and opened the door. "I think I've heard that only about ten times already."

Ed tried to get something to lean on when he entered Mustang's apartment but he didn't manage so he fell down. "Oops," Ed said and laughed to himself. Mustang sighed.  
"Get up, Fullmetal." Ed groaned.

"You know, I'm not your subordinate anymore and you're not a colonel anymore so you don't have to boss me around like that…"  
Mustang smirked. "Oh, just an old habit…"

In the end, Mustang helped Ed get up and lead him into Mustang's bedroom. "You can sleep here."  
"But… it's your bedroom, your_ bed_. Where will _you_ sleep," Ed slurred, trying to stay awake.  
"On the couch. Goodnight." Ed nodded around as he watched Mustang leaving the room.

"Wait…" Mustang turned around, watching him questioning.  
"You're really nice… I mean, really, fucking nice… Kinda confusing… You're so nice to me, Mustang…"  
The man was quiet for a while before he said: "You know, you can call me Roy." Ed nodded.  
"If you call me Ed." They looked at each other a while before Mustang said: "Goodnight, Ed."  
Ed smiled. "Goodnight… Roy."

****

The following morning wasn't the best Ed had had. As if it wasn't enough that he felt like his stomach was dying, his head was about to explode. He had a very shitty taste in his mouth and sun was shining so bright that it got through the curtains and clearly wanted to kill Ed. _As if_ that wasn't enough, it took a while before he even remembered where he was.

When Ed finally managed to collect his memory, he was ashamed of himself and made many decisions before he got up and left the room. "Morning," Roy said when Ed crawled to the kitchen.

"I'm never gonna fucking drink again," Ed said his decision out loud. Roy chuckled.  
"Sure you won't… Coffee?" Ed nodded and sat at the table. Roy poured him some coffee and handed the cup for him. "Sorry 'bout all the trouble…" Roy shook his head.  
"No need to be sorry for. I called Al so he won't be worrying himself sick."

Ed glanced at Roy and tried to decide whether he was up to good or not. "  
Oh, really? Thanks… god, did I really drink this much last night? My head is exploding…" Roy smirked.  
"You didn't drink particularly much… but well, being that small must mean small tolerance…"  
Ed rolled his eyes. "I'd probably choke you if I didn't have this goddamn hangover."  
"Some aspirin?" Ed nodded and watched as Roy went through the closets.

"Maybe you should eat something before you take that…" Ed shut his eyes tightly.  
"Hell no, even _thinking_ about food makes me wanna throw up…" Mustang sighed.  
"Alright. Here you go." Ed was more than pleased to take the medicine.

"So, err… what did Al say? Did he sound like he was mad or anything?"  
Mustang looked rather amused as he was sipping his drink and leaning on the sink.  
"Nah. I think he sounded more disappointed than angry." Ed rolled his eyes.  
"God, sometimes he's acting like he's my father or something." Mustang grinned.

"He also told that you've never had a girlfriend."  
Ed let out a little noise which was something between a squeak and a growl. And he felt how his cheeks warmed up really fast. "_WHY_ did he tell that?" Mustang laughed.

"Oh, it's nothing to be embarrassed for… It's totally normal. Especially when you look pretty feminine… You might actually be more feminine than some girls; they find that pretty awkward you know."  
Ed growled and got up and before Mustang could even blink, Ed was grabbing his collar and staring at him angrily. "Me, feminine? Fuck off, I'll show you some femininity!"

Mustang smirked.  
"I'd _die_ to see that…"  
Ed wanted to kick his ass, _because enough was enough and how many fucking times Mustang had made fun about Ed's size?_ But suddenly he felt really _sick_ and remembered again that he had the worst hangover ever.

Mustang wasn't really making Ed feel better either… Ed had to lean into him since he had the urge to throw up and something was spinning around in his stomach.  
"Uh, if I was in better condition right now, I'd kick your ass."  
Ed felt warm hand which came to rest on his back.  
"Maybe you should just lie down and take it easy."  
Ed nodded and Roy led him to lie down on the sofa. "Wait a minute…"

Ed realized that it was way too bright in the room so he put the pillow on his face. Ed listened to Mustang's footsteps and suddenly the room darkened. Ed took the pillow off from his face and noticed that Mustang had closed the curtains. He was sitting on the sofa and handed a glass for Ed.  
"You should drink water." Ed nodded and took the glass, drinking all in one gulp.

"Just lie down, relax", Mustang said in a soft voice and Ed couldn't help but obeying.  
"You know, it's kinda difficult to decide whether you're a good person or not…" Mustang snorted a bit. "Good, of course."

Ed wanted to say something but he was feeling suddenly too good, his head against the pillow, his whole body relaxed. He felt a warm hand stroking his hair before he fell asleep.

******

When Ed woke up later on, he was feeling much better. Ed sat up and rubbed his eyes and was surprised to notice that he had a blanket on him. It hadn't been there when he fall asleep. "How long have I slept," he asked from Mustang who was sitting on an armchair, reading.

He put the book away and turned his eyes on Ed. "About three hours, I guess. You feeling better?"  
Ed nodded.  
"Yea… way better." Ed yawned and glanced at the clock, it was already three.

"Uh, I better get going, you don't want me to stay here for the whole day, do you…"  
Ed got up and snorted as Mustang said: "I don't really mind. Besides, it was fun to watch you sleeping. You drooled a bit." Ed instinctually wiped his chin and realized that he was making fun of Ed once again.

"Ha-ha, that's damn funny. You've been reading for the whole time?" Mustang shrugged.  
"Pretty much, yea."  
"Oh, really…"

An awkward silence fell into the room. Maybe Mustang really just waited for Ed to leave so that he could be alone? "Aren't you lonely here…? All by yourself…"

Ed had no idea why he had said that and he noticed immediately from Mustang's withdrawn expression that he wasn't pleased with the question.  
"Why would I be?"  
"Um, well… don't you ever get tired of being all alone…? I get it when you want some peace and quiet every now and then but _all the time_… That just gets boring."

Mustang rubbed his temple and Ed had no idea why he was feeling so nervous, so anxious while waiting for his answer. "I'm used to being by myself, I enjoy it. If I need company, I have company."  
"Oh really," Ed muttered. He remembered last night that everyone was complaining about Mustang never inviting anyone to his place, they had to invite themselves.

_"We don't wanna be rude so we go see him about twice a month. Well, we go drinking quite often but… that's it,"_ Fuery had told Ed somewhere in between. Or then there's women, Ed thought. Of course Mustang was still a womanizer and could bring to his place any woman he really wanted… But when the morning came, they would leave and maybe Mustang would promise that he'd give them a call but he never did.

"You didn't drink much last night, did you?" Mustang shook his head.  
"Me with too much alcohol – bad combination", Mustang said and grinned a bit.

Ed remembered that Hawkeye had told that Mustang had drunk too much, nearly every day after he had been retired. Ed was relieved that Mustang had managed to take control so he didn't have to kick his ass… but no matter what, somehow Ed only saw that Mustang was _lonely_. Well, maybe he wasn't feeling himself lonely, but he was _alone._ Ed was pretty sure that he had always been like that, as he had been all those years Ed had known him. He didn't let anyone get too close to him. What was he afraid of?

In some way, Ed understood him. He had been like that, because he had been too afraid that he would lose anyone who got too close. And even though Ed wasn't that distant anymore, he still had no one who he could tell _everything_. Maybe Ed and Mustang were the same… in some things.

"Uh, anyways, I'll be on my way now…"  
"You can take a shower too." Ed shook his head.  
"Nah, I'm fine. And I've already been too much bother for you." Mustang got up and walked towards Ed, stopping right in front of him, putting his hands on Ed's shoulders.

"Look, you're _not_ a bother to me. If it was anyone besides you, then maybe I would've thrown you out long time ago, maybe not. But it is _you_ so just relax, take it easy. I won't say that you've never been a bother for me because _hell_, you sure have been… when you were my subordinate and a brat," Mustang grinned ", but that was then, now is now." Ed was quiet for a while before he nodded and smiled.

After all, he ended up taking a shower and Mustang lend some of his clothes for him (because Ed's clothes smelled like cigarettes and Mustang insisted) and they were sitting in the kitchen, like that other night, talking and sometimes they just looked at each other, without saying a word. But it felt good. Then Mustang made him some sandwiches when Ed realized that he was really hungry.

When Ed glanced at the clock again, it was already six o'clock.

"I _really_ gotta go now… I think I have worried Al enough already."

"He knows you have nothing to worry about when you're with me."

For some reason Ed couldn't look at Mustang in his eyes. _Nothing to worry about when I'm with him_…? It only made sense to get embarrassed from those words, right?

"Why haven't you ever had a girlfriend?"

Mustang's sudden question surprised Ed and he growled a bit.

"Why are you asking?" Mustang shrugged.  
"Just wondering since it's pretty rare when you're young, smart and attractive."

Ed swallowed. _Was that what Mustang really thought about him? Young, well, sure Ed was, he was 19. Smart? Well, he couldn't deny that but to hear it from Mustang's mouth… Pretty unbelievable. Attractive…?_

"Um… I guess I haven't found the right person, you know… I'm not like Al, he's dated with many, _many_ girls and he always says that: _she's the one_ but he always gets dumped or dumps them."  
Mustang observed Ed for a while before he said: "But you've liked someone, haven't you?"

Ed nodded. "Yea, sure… But it doesn't really last long. And it's more like this: I watch that person from far away, follow their every move but when I turn around, I just forget 'em. And it's not like I think about them all the time, just when I see them." Mustang was silent for a while, nodding.  
"You don't want to approach them?" Ed shrugged.

"I guess so. It's not like I'm afraid or something. But every time I have approached them, suddenly I realize that I'm not interested in them anymore. And when they become interested in me, I just wanna be friends and end up hurting their feelings."

Why was it that sometimes Ed was completely calm when he was with Mustang but sometimes he just… he was so nervous, was it because the way Mustang just stared at him, without saying a thing? Maybe, very possible. It was weird since when Ed had been Mustang's subordinate, he was always pissed at him or he just hadn't care that much about him being around.

Maybe it had changed because they weren't inside the military building, they were in _his house_. They were spending time like they had always been friends or something. Or maybe it was because Ed really didn't know what was going on in Mustang's head, whether he enjoyed being around Ed or just made fun of him. It was… confusing.

"Why don't you try with someone you know already, someone you've known for some time already…"  
Ed blinked his eyes. "Someone like…?"  
"Someone who's your friend. Never thought of that option?"  
Ed shook his head and couldn't take his eyes away from Mustang. "Not really…"  
"How about…"

Ed watched Mustang's expression and realized that he was… hesitating a bit? What did he want to say? What could be something that he couldn't just burst out…? _That his next word would be… 'me'?_ Suddenly Ed's heart was beating really fast, like he was going to face his death.

"That… Rockbell girl?"  
Ed raised his eyebrows. "Huh, what?"  
_How could WINRY have anything to do with this at all?_ "Winry Rockbell, wasn't it?"  
Ed nodded slowly. "Err, what about her?"  
It was Mustang's turn to raise his eyebrow. "Never thought of her as your girlfriend?"

It took a few seconds for Ed to realize what was going on. Of course, Mustang had had a hard time remembering Winry's name… He wanted to know if Ed had ever thought of her as his girlfriend… Of course, what else he could've said?

"Well, sometimes, I guess I did. We could've worked out too, maybe but… she got tired of waiting and nowadays she's like a sister for me. She got engaged some time ago, the guy's a mechanic too. They match damn well; I and Al were almost _dying_ from laughter when they got excited about my automails." Mustang smiled a bit.

"Well, maybe it's for the best that you and she never got together."  
Ed nodded and leaned back in his chair. Suddenly he was totally relaxed once again.

"I never thought this day would come, but I have to say: I couldn't agree more with you. We basically grew up together; it would've eventually started to feel weird…" Mustang hummed a bit.

"When you're really good friends with someone, been for a long, long time, it's hard if not possible to develop something romantic between you two. But if you have been friend just for a while and you really don't know each other _that much_, it's very possible and it happens every day."

"Really…? I don't have that much girls as friends… Well, yesterday Al asked for me to go on a double date with his current girlfriend and her best friend…"  
"And you didn't go but instead ended up on a bar, drinking with a bunch of guys years older than you." They both grinned because that just sounded pretty amusing when Mustang put it like that.

"It's very possible and happens every day," Ed quoted him and they grinned at each other for a while and comfortable silence surrounded them.

"And you kissed that girl… Oh my, maybe you're a womanizer."  
Ed snorted. "Yeah, that would make you worry for sure! I'd take over your title of this city's biggest womanizer in a heartbeat." Mustang chuckled.  
"I bet you would. Is that what they really call me?"

Ed shrugged. "Well, that was one of the nicest only. I think my favorite is 'cruel and insensitive motherfucking asshole who only thinks with his lower head.' Yea, something like that. Are all your women that sweet?" Mustang laughed.  
"Pretty much, yes. I seem to be very keen on those who have a bad temperament…"

Ed was feeling that same confusion as he tried to interpret Mustang once again. And why was it that he was staring at Ed like that, with that same intensity. _Nah, I'm just imagining some really freaky stuff. I'm still a bit hangover too so…_ "I can see that… A dear child has many names…"  
"Indeed. 'Bastard' is my favorite actually."  
"Is that so," Ed muttered and glanced at Mustang.

What did he mean? When Ed thought about it, he remembered _a lot_ of times when he had called Mustang a bastard… He was just joking around, right? Sure… "Oh shit, I really gotta go now."  
Ed got up and went to the hall where he had thrown his shoes last night. Mustang followed him and they watched each other for a while in the dark hall.

"Take care," Mustang said then and opened the door for Ed.  
"Yea… you too…"

Mustang smiled a bit and before Ed could cross him, he said: "You know… It was good that we bumped into each other… twice. I missed you a bit… and the fact that you still have very bad temperament."  
Ed snorted but somehow he couldn't help but smiling.  
"Yeah, it's been great, seeing you around… and seeing that you're still a bastard."

Mustang smirked. Ed stepped out of the apartment and watched Mustang's silhouette.  
"I'll see you around, goodnight… Ed."  
For some reason, once again, Ed was smiling as he walked home.


	3. The Fight

**A/N: _When I started publishing this, I was sure I'd get the whole story here pretty quickly. But I was wrong. My holiday came and went and then I almost ended up having a burn out because I've been stressing about school and everything really way too much… Well, now I'm trying to take it easy. Hopefully you guys don't hate me because of my slow updating… :D If you read this story, please let me know because it really means a lot! And thanks for all of those who have already reviewed and added this to favorites/alert list. Those things really make my day!  
_  
3. The fight**

Ed had lain on his bed for a while, reading, when the door was opened. "I'm home…"  
Ed got up and went to the hall to greet Al. "Where have you been," Ed asked. Al snorted and took his jacket off.

"I could ask you the same question… but I happen to know the answer."  
Ed grinned and rubbed his cheeks, they were already aching from all the smiling. The worst part was that Ed had _no idea_ why he couldn't stop it! Somehow talking with Mustang after a _long_break seemed to really make Ed happy.

"You want some tea?" Al nodded and Ed went to the kitchen and poured the hot water in Al's mug. He sat down at the table and took the teabag and put it in the mug. Ed sat across him and watched as his brother tasted the tea carefully so he wouldn't burn his tongue.

"So, what happened? You didn't go out with us but instead you went drinking. If you already had made plans, why didn't you just tell me so?" Ed laughed.  
"I hadn't. I just happened to bump into Mustang – again, literally! And then they invited me to come with them so I decided: why not." Al nodded.  
"And…? What happened? I know, you met some girl!" Ed blinked his eyes. _Again_Al was saying that… He had said that the same night when Ed had bumped into Mustang for the first time too…

"No, why do you think that?" Al was quiet for a while and glanced at Ed.  
"Well… somehow I just got the feeling. You're smiling awfully much. And well, basically, you seem like you're high," Al said and shrugged a bit.  
"Oh really," Ed muttered.  
"Yea… err, well maybe it's just me…"  
"Who's the one high," Ed asked grinning and Al snorted a bit but smiled too.

"Alright, here's what happened: I realized that I don't have my wallet with me so Mustang _insisted_ on paying me… And I talked with Havoc, Fuery, Falman, Hawkeye, Breda, _everyone_. Al, you should've been there. I had pretty damn good time. I danced a bit and got a little too drunk, I guess… No, don't give me that look! And then Mustang got me out of there and was very noble and let me stay on his place."

"You knew that I was going to nag you so you couldn't come home?" Ed grinned.  
"Exactly. Then he let me sleep on his bed – he himself slept on the couch, can you imagine? And in the morning I was feeling damn awful and he gave me coffee and some aspiring and that bastard was making fun of my height, _again_… And then he practically forced me to relax and I fell asleep on his couch… And then we talked quite a long time and he let me use his shower and he fed me and… yea…"

Al was quiet for an unusually long time. It was _Al_ after all; he didn't often need _that_ much time to think for an answer.

"He's really been kind for you, hasn't he? He even called me to tell about your location so I wouldn't worry about you." Ed nodded and wasn't really surprised that Mustang had their number.  
"So… what have you two been talking about? Must be very interesting when you spend hours on it and lost your tracks of time…"

Something about Al's look made Ed a little nervous, almost like with Mustang at times but with Mustang it was way worse.  
"Well, about everything really. I tell about you and he tells about everyone in the military. We remember stuff that happened when we both were still in the military. We talk about alchemy, Mustang has some really interesting books and he's read almost as much as I have… Oy, why did you tell him that I haven't dated anyone?" Al grinned a bit.

"Because he asked. And I thought you were okay with it." Ed groaned.  
"I _am_ okay with it… I just didn't want Mustang to find out… He really teased me, you know! He was saying something like '_you're so feminine that girls find it awkward' _or some shit like that! It really pissed me off!"  
Al laughed. "What," Ed groaned. Al shook his head and dried his eyes from the tears of laughter.  
"Oh, nothing… So, you two seem to have many things in common…" Ed shrugged.  
"Guess so. But _I'm_ not a bastard! Though… he has been strangely nice to me…"  
"So… when will you meet him again?" Ed shrugged and stretched his arms.

"I'm not sure yet but I'm gonna have to pay for him next time we go drinking. Though he doesn't really drink that much anymore – he had too much, nearly all the time when he got retired. He could really need someone to look after him, don't you think?"  
For some reason Al grinned very widely and said: "Maybe he has found that person already."  
Ed frowned as Al got up and put the mug in the sink. Ed sat a while at the table and after a while he realized that Al had gone to the shower. Ed had no idea what his brother had meant.

* * *

The following week Ed spent mostly by studying. For some reason he didn't really hang out with his friends, Ed didn't understand even by himself why he always made up some excuse when they wanted to go somewhere with Ed. Suddenly there were many times when Ed realized that he had been staring into distance for a long time.

It was almost like back then when Ed had stayed up for the whole night, trying to find out how to get Al's body back, when desperation had filled him by the morning came and sometimes all he could do was just to sit there, without doing anything, drowning on his own anxiety. But now there wasn't really anxiety… Ed just… was.

And lately he had been thinking about Mustang pretty much. Somehow he wanted to see him, wanted to talk with him but even though Ed had always been straightforward, he was a little hesitant when it came to Mustang. Ed couldn't bring himself to go and invite himself on Mustang's place. And he couldn't really call him either, he didn't have his number though Ed was sure he could get in a heartbeat if he would ask from Hawkeye. Ed had no idea why he was suddenly like that.

Ed _never_really cared if people disliked him because he was who he was. If they didn't like him that way, it was their problem; Ed wasn't going to change… And he had been like that with Mustang too, that's damn sure but… He wasn't anymore. He couldn't, no matter how much he tried, he always ended up thinking about Mustang's reaction… Wondering if Mustang would send Ed home if he came at his door?

That Mustang would say something like: _"Why don't you just leave me alone, brat"_and hang up if Ed decided to call him. When Ed was walking in the streets, going to school, going to home, somehow he just wished that behind the corner, Mustang would come and they would bump into each other once again. But he never came. Ed only managed to bump into some old lady who wasn't very pleased.

One day Ed was walking home and cursing at the rain and wind. In the morning he had grabbed the first umbrella that he had gotten in his hand and it was just now when he realized that it was the one Mustang had given to him in the first night. He should've returned it but he had forgotten the whole thing. Maybe that umbrella would be a good excuse to visit Mustang… Ed decided that he would go and return the umbrella the following day.

"Ed!"  
Ed turned around as he heard his name being yelled. A girl with long, dark red hair was waving at him and Ed walked closer, realizing that it was Rebecca, Al's girlfriend.

"Hi. How are you," she asked when they stood close enough to hear each other from the rain. Rebecca was holding an umbrella and it was just then when Ed noticed a small girl next to her, standing under the umbrella too.

"I'm alright. How about you, everything's fine with Al?"  
Rebecca nodded and smiled gently. "More than just fine. He's such a nice person, your brother."  
Ed nodded and smiled too.  
"Oh, I'm sorry… This is Amy, my best friend. Amy, this is Ed, Al's brother."  
Amy said hi and smiled a bit, looking shyly at Ed. "Hi. Nice to meet you."  
Amy nodded and blushed softly. "You too… I've heard a lot about you."  
"Oh…?" Ed observed at the girl, she was just like Al had described: dark and petite, very cute with her shy and innocent appearance. But Ed didn't feel a thing when he looked at her.

"We should get going, it's raining pretty hard, it might thunder too…" Ed nodded.  
"Yea, I'll see you around." The girls nodded and Rebecca told Ed to say hi for Al. Ed watched as they ran off and Ed continued to walk too. "Ugh," Ed growled as he finally was inside of the apartment. Rebecca had been right: thunder had started just when Ed was in the yard.

"Fuck, I'm soaked even though I had an umbrella!"  
"Welcome home, brother." Ed glanced up and saw Al who was grinning widely. And behind him… Mustang was smirking at Ed.  
"Mustang? What… what are you doing here?"  
"I guess I got tired of waiting that you would bump into me so I decided to come by."  
Ed couldn't help it when a wide smile appeared on his face. _So he DID want to see me after all…He wanted to bump into me too…_ Ed had no idea he could be so happy over something like that.

After a moment, they were sitting in the kitchen, drinking coffee.  
"I haven't asked before, what do you do in your school?"  
"Well, all kinds of things that include alchemy somehow. Today I had history about people who've been alchemists and the greatest successes. It's really interesting; do you know about a man called Einlich? He was the first one to create a transmute circle." Mustang smiled.

"I see you're very into that. I wouldn't be surprised if your name was in the history books." Ed sighed a bit.  
"Yeah… but not in a good way. I only managed to make bad things with alchemy…"  
"That's not true, brother! You made good things too! You've helped a lot of people, you managed to get my body back!"  
Ed stared at his automail hand and clenched it.

"Your brother's right. Trust me; there has been hundreds of those who have used alchemy just to kill people – including me… You have never _meant _to do harm, you're not a bad person."  
Ed stood up and banged his fists against the table. "You just don't _get_ it! I tried to make the worst thing in alchemy, I _tried to bring mom back from the death_, and it's just some damn good luck that me and Al are still alive!"

Ed rushed out of the kitchen and tried to catch his breath. It still brought his emotions on, remembering the worst mistake of his life… Ed was thankful that Al and Mustang let him be alone for a while and when he finally went back to the kitchen, they started to talk about anything but alchemy.

"You know, I saw Rebecca and Amy when I was walking home. She told me to say hi for you," Ed remembered somewhere between.  
Al glanced at him.  
"Oh really? So what do you think about Amy," Al asked and surprised Ed by not asking more about his girlfriend. Ed felt pretty awkward, when he realized that Mustang was staring at him, waiting for his answer, looking pretty amused. "She seems… nice, I guess."

"Do you think you could go out with her?" Ed shrugged.  
"I don't know, I've been pretty busy with school and all…" Al snorted.  
"Yea right, you wouldn't have to study a day to be the best – you're a _genius_ for god's sake…"  
Ed muttered something even he himself wasn't aware of.

"Alphonse told me that you haven't even seen your friends in a while. You wanna get separated from everyone?"  
Ed snorted and stared at Mustang sharply.  
"You're the one to talk… I just wanna be alone sometimes too, is it a bad thing?"  
Neither of them said anything but Ed noticed how Al was staring at him. Somehow that made Ed feel pretty nervous even though he _never_got nervous by Al. Everything had been pretty weird lately… and Ed had no idea why.

"Anyways, everyone has been asking about you and why you've been so deep in your thoughts lately… _I_ should know, shouldn't I? I'm your brother for crying out loud… but sometimes I just feel that you tell me nothing at all, you never did."  
Ed stared at his hands, feeling himself like a total coward since he couldn't look in his eyes. "Al…"  
The boy mentioned sighed.  
"I'm not blaming you or anything. I'm just saying that if there's something bothering you, you can _always_ tell me, no matter what it's about."  
Ed glanced at Al and smiled a bit. "Yeah…"

Al rose and before he left the kitchen, he said: "I gotta go; I promised that I would go see Becca."  
Ed blinked his eyes. "In that storm? Al, have you lost it?"  
And as from order, there was a loud voice of thunder which seemed to be right above them. Al shrugged and laughed a bit.  
"It's not that long anyways. I promised to her and… I really wanna see her." Ed rolled his eyes.  
"Fine, whatever, you go and see her then…"  
Ed turned around to face Mustang and as if they had agreed without any words; the both of them grinned.

As Al had said goodbye, saying that Mustang was welcomed anytime, the door had closed behind him, leaving a comfortable silence.  
"It's getting dark, should we put some lights on?" Ed shook his head.  
"Nah, it's nice like this, don't you think? When you can clearly see the lightning…"  
And somehow Ed was comfortable like that, not seeing Mustang's face so clearly...

"Alright… Al seems to be very much in love." Ed nodded. "I guess so…"  
"It's funny how you think you can and _will_ do anything for the person… when you love them."  
Ed felt confused as he tried to see Mustang's face from the dark. "Oh really," Ed muttered.  
Mustang spoke like he knew exactly what he was talking about. And of course he did – sure the man had been in love _sometimes_, he was at his thirties… But still, Ed felt like he was been left behind.

"Oh, of course… You've never been in love." Ed shook his head.  
"What did you think? I've never dated anyone in my life; I've only liked or been interested in a few. It's pretty weird, don't you think? I mean, nearly everyone in my age have been in love. I guess I'm a freak after all…" Suddenly Ed felt a warm hand grabbing his own flesh hand.

"_Ed_, you are _not_ a freak. You're just not like everyone else and trust me – that's a good thing… in your case. Falling in love doesn't happen in a blink of an eye. It can take time too. And it's not only about one person, maybe the reason isn't in you. Maybe you just haven't met the one."  
Ed was quiet for a while, thinking about Mustang's words, thinking about how abstract the situation felt: he and Mustang, talking about falling in love. It didn't feel weird though… it felt totally natural for some reason.

"The one, huh? So, you think there's only one person for each?"  
Mustang looked at him for a while, there was a storm outside but that moment Ed didn't remember that.  
"Some have, others don't… I guess. I have a reason to believe so." Ed bit his lip and glanced at Mustang.  
"You… have met the one? I mean, for you...?"

Mustang was silent for a while and it seemed like the whole world had stopped moving for that little moment. "I have," he said then. In that moment Ed regretted a bit when he hadn't turn on the lights, he really wanted to see Mustang's expression…

"How… how do you know that – "  
"I'm pretty sure since it's been years and I'm still not able to get that person out of my head. There can't and won't be no one else, I've fought for that fact but finally I just gave in, knowing that I don't want or need or desire anyone else."  
_Wow_, Ed thought… _That must really be something. And Mustang from all people…_  
"That kind of person must be really incredible…" Mustang smiled.  
"That's very true."  
"So… is it unrequited?"  
"I actually don't know. Maybe… maybe not." Ed raised his eyebrows.  
"What? You haven't… told her?"

Even from the darkness Ed heard Mustang's light chuckle. "_Her_? Who said I'm talking about a woman…?"  
Ed snapped his mouth closed and stared at Mustang for a long time. Not… a woman? Mustang's _not_ in love with a woman…? How did that make any sense _at all?_ Alright… If Mustang was not talking about a woman then that meant that he was talking about… _about a man_. And _that_ meant that he was… in love with a man?

"Um… so you like men?"  
Ed glanced at Mustang and at the moment, a lightning struck, lighting up the whole room for few seconds and during that time Ed saw Mustang's expression: he looked somehow uncertain which surprised Ed for sure since he had never seen Mustang with an expression like that.

"I like both men and women."  
"Of course," Ed said and suddenly he wasn't surprised at all. It seemed to be only logical when it was about Mustang. "So, he doesn't know?" Mustang shook slowly his head.  
"I doubt it. Well, I've given _very clear_ hints but somehow he just doesn't catch them." Ed snorted.  
"Or maybe he's just dumb?" Mustang laughed suddenly and Ed glanced at him. What was so funny?  
"Trust me, he's nothing _but_ dumb. It seems that he's just not used into these things…"  
"Oh, is that so… "

Mustang somehow gave the impression that the person was very smart. He liked those who were smart? Well, it was pretty obvious since Mustang was pretty clever too…  
"Maybe he just has a low self-esteem?"  
"I've thought about that… He gives the impression that he's alright with himself and knows where he stands but… maybe he's just having a hard time wondering why someone would like him or care about him, not to mention _love _him. He blames himself for the stupidest things and sometimes he's too hard on himself. He has reasons too, I guess…" Ed snorted.

"It sounds to me that he's just an idiot, no offense…" Mustang chuckled.  
"If you say so…"  
Mustang seemed to be very pleased for some reason and Ed had no idea what was going on. He was getting tired of feeling so left behind.

There was a long pause when neither of them said anything and they just listened to the thunder which was raging outside. Usually Ed didn't like silences and he had the urge to stop them, no matter what. But with Mustang it was different somehow. Besides Al there was no one Ed could just be like that, to sit without saying a word. Though he and Al didn't do that very much, at least not anymore when they were so busy with other things… When you could just spend hours like that, in comfortable silence with some other person, didn't that mean that you were pretty close with them…?

Ed glanced at Mustang and wondered if they were really that close. Well, they had known each other for years and Ed had always trusted in Mustang and he was sure that the feeling was mutual… But it hadn't been long when they just disliked each other and loved to make fun of each other. And now they were… friends? As if they had been always like that, just sitting across each other, talking about everything really. Even though it was bizarre, Ed liked it. It made Ed realize that he didn't really have anyone to talk to. He had friends – for sure – but… he never got that close to anyone. And Mustang already knew about everything about him. And Ed knew the man pretty well too, better than most, he guessed.

"Anyways, how you've been doing? Along with studying and avoiding people…" Ed snorted.  
"I've been thinking lately a lot…"  
"Oh? About what?"  
_About you?_ No way, Ed could never say that, it would only come out wrong, right?  
"About… well, this? I don't really get how we're spending time like this, you know…" Mustang nodded.  
"It feels pretty bizarre… but still natural, pretty conflict, huh?" Ed blinked his eyes and realized that he had been thinking exactly same things as Mustang had… incredible.

"Exactly… you have changed, by the way."  
"Have I? So have you. You've grown up… but in some things you're still the same." Ed snorted.  
"Thanks, I guess. I could say the same about you but I won't since I know you never grow up."  
Mustang grinned. "I guess I should feel like I was just insulted by a brat but… there's no denying in truth."  
"Course not…"  
They smiled at each other even though neither of them really saw it.

"Mustang – "  
The man interrupted Ed by saying: "Didn't I tell you to call me Roy?"  
Ed grimaced. Sure he remembered that but… It felt weird, even thinking about it. _I won't die even if I call him by his first name_…  
"Err, right. Uh – _Roy_, when's the last time you had a relationship with someone? Uh, don't have to answer if it's too personal or something…" Mustang snorted a bit.

"It was a long time ago. I'm not really the type who would be on a relationship."  
Ed stared at his hands and was surprised how sad he was for Mustang. His life seemed to be more and more lonely. Who would want to be like that, all by himself?  
"Have you even tried? You know, one day you might wake up and realized that you're old and ugly and that no one loves you and you're on your own." Mustang burst out laughing.

"I wake up like that every single day… Just kidding, but if I _do _wake up like that someday, would you be here to convince me that I'm young, healthy and damn good-looking?" Ed rolled his eyes.  
"I don't think that I'm that good at lying… Anyways, shouldn't you, err – you know, settle down?"  
Mustang laughed dryly. "You'll understand when you're older." Ed groaned.  
"I hate it when someone tells me that! I'll understand _what_ exactly?"

"That when there's only one person for you and you know it, you don't want to be with anyone else than that person."  
Ed was quiet for a moment, thinking about Mustang's words.  
"But there are those who still end up being with someone else and they learn to love them too, maybe not as much as they loved that other one but still… they can be happy. You don't want that?"

Mustang shook his head.  
"I want it all – all the happiness I could get or nothing at all. I don't want just parts of it, I want everything. If I can't have him, I don't want anyone besides him."  
Ed sighed. He wasn't so sure if he would understand that when he'd get older…  
"So if he doesn't feel the same, you'll just spend the rest of your life all alone? What's the sense in that?"

"There's _a lot _of sense in that. I'm happy just loving him this much; I know that I can't love anyone like this. I'm satisfied by taking these feelings to my grave." Ed bit his bottom lip. For him Mustang's way of thinking was way too black and white, he had other options too than to be like that, some tragic lover of some guy who had no idea he was fancied by Mustang most probably because the guy was an idiot…

"That's dumb. You should just move on and find someone else. Right before your eyes, there might be someone you could love just as much as you love him… and they could love you back and you'd be happy, not lonely and miserable…" Mustang shook his head once again.  
"You just don't get it, do you? I _am_ happy like this. If he'd love me back, I think I'd die from happiness… but this is fine by me too. Of course, it really hurts sometimes but love is not love if it doesn't hurt you."

Ed snorted. He was somehow getting pissed at Mustang's attitude.

"_You_'re the one who doesn't get that there's other ways to live too! But you just _have_ to be so tragic! You're so damn annoying, thinking that everything's so fucking black and white! I could bet my life on in; you'll just end up regretting for being so fucking _dumb_! For fuck's sake…"  
"Oh, _come on_, you're only 19 years old, you've never been in love. If I were you, I would just shut keep my mouth shut about things I have no idea about. You _cannot_ understand this so don't act like you do."

Ed gritted his teeth and glared at Mustang, without giving a damn if he saw or didn't saw it from the dark. He was so _angry_, so _fucking angry_ at the man in front of him… Why did Mustang imagine he had any right to say things like that straight to Ed's face, treating him like some brat?  
"Yeah, right. I'm a brat who doesn't understand anything… And of course you've seen and been through it all…"

"It seems like that indeed. Pardon me; I had no idea why I thought _you_ of all people would understand…"  
Ed laughed and hissed: "So you make mistakes too, _oh no_, how's that possible?"  
"Ed… just give it a rest, don't be like that."  
"Like what? I can be what – fucking- ever I want to be and you're the last one who has anything to say about that at all. I should say the same for you: don't fucking _be like that_! No wonder you're all alone, no wonder that you'll die all alone! No wonder _no one will ever love you!_"

The moment Ed finished his sentence; he regretted he had ever opened his mouth. Even though Mustang was damn hard to interpret, Ed was pretty sure that he had hurt him. _Anyone_ would be hurt by his words… "Uh, look I'm – "  
"No need to say anything. I'm out of here, sorry to disturb you."  
And with those words Mustang was out of the kitchen, out of the apartment, leaving Ed sitting there, paralyzed, thinking what the hell had he just done. Nothing good, that was for sure.

* * *

"I'm back! Oh, colo – I mean, Mustang left already? I was so sure that you two would talk until sun was rising…"  
Ed snorted something from his bed. Al stepped closer and sat on Ed's bed.  
"Ed… you alright?"  
Sometimes it was really annoying how Al knew exactly if Ed wasn't in a good mood.  
"No, I'm not actually. We had a fight, kinda…" Al patted Ed's back a bit.  
"You did? Well, I'm not really surprised since you two used to fight all the time… What was it about anyways?" Ed snorted.

"Some stupid shit. I said some really unnecessary things…" Al sighed.  
"Like what?"  
"Well… I told him that he's fucking annoying- which he was, really! He was treating me like a brat who knows nothing! And then… I kinda said that it's no wonder that he's all alone and that he ends up dying all alone and that… no one will ever love him."  
Al sighed even more deeper than last time.  
"Ed…"  
"Oh come on! You know I can't stand it when people – especially Mustang – patronize me!"

Al nodded. "I know that for sure. But it seems like you were pretty rough on him… What did he say?"  
Ed didn't look at Al when he said: "Well… I tried to apologize but he was all 'no need to say anything' and left. Fuck, Al… I'm the worst, aren't I?"  
Al smiled a bit and shook his head.  
"You should really apologize to him; I guess anyone would be hurt by that." Ed glanced at his little brother.  
"You think he… will forgive me? I wouldn't…" Al laughed and messed up Ed's hair.  
"Of course he will! Maybe not right away but I'm sure he will eventually, he knows how hard it is for you to apologize so I'm sure he'll appreciate it."  
Ed sighed. "I hope so…"

Damn, Al was right… It _was_ hard for him to apologize, almost impossible. How the hell was he able to apologize for _Mustang_ of all people? Then Ed remembered Mustang's face when Ed had said all those unnecessary things… It was full of hurt. Ed _would_ apologize, even if Mustang never wanted to see him again… "How can you be so sure that he'll forgive me?"

Al smiled and somehow Ed got the feeling that he knew something Ed didn't. "You'll see… Goodnight."  
Al got up and left Ed in the dark room with his thoughts. He should think about a perfect way to apologize… even if Mustang didn't forgive, he _had_ to know that Ed hadn't meant any of the things he had said. 


	4. Running away

**4. Running away**

A/N: So, here's another chapter with some more of my own characters. Yays. Thanks to everyone who have reviewed this story. Or even read it. I appreciate it a lot! Oh and just so you know, I've decided trying to publish one chapter per week. We'll see how badly I fail with that. : D

"A _C_? You got a _C_ from the test? What the fuck?"  
Ed sighed as his friends gathered around him. "What is it, Greg?"  
"Ed got a C from test, look!" Greg grabbed the paper from Ed's desk and showed it to everyone.  
"What the hell, it really _is_ a C…"  
"Ed _never_ gets anything but straight A's!"  
"The end of the world is coming, I can feel it…"

Ed rubbed his head and tried to collect his patience which was falling apart as the guys continued overreacting.  
"Let me see! Wow… there are some really bad mistakes…"  
Ed got up and grabbed the piece of paper and crumbled it in his pocket. "Fuck off!"  
Finally they closed their mouths.  
"Ed… you know, it's just a test. I bet the teacher understands that even geniuses make mistakes sometimes…"  
Ed sighed. "Thanks, Andy, but I don't really care."

It had been two days since that stupid fight where Ed had said those stupid things and he still hadn't apologized. He hadn't able to concentrate on anything and not even alchemy could take Ed's thoughts away from Mustang. They had been doing so great… and then Ed had fucked it all up, just like he always did. He just _had _to fuck up everything that was good, no matter what it was, who it was… Maybe that was the reason he always kept a certain distance.

_I should've known this would happen… That I would only end up hurting Mustang, making him hate me… I never should've gone to his place, spending hours talking with him…_  
Just when Ed had really found someone to talk to, even if that person had been in Ed's life for many years… Just when Ed had found out that he enjoyed being around Mustang, that he had someone who knew everything about him… Ed just had to fuck it up. _I'm a fucking idiot_.

"What's going on, Ed? You haven't really hung out with us lately; you're always so distant and lost in your thoughts… And you get C from a test? Honestly… you've been acting damn weird."  
Ed rubbed his head and wished that he would just be left alone so that he could think about Mustang and what the hell he should do. Just go behind Mustang's apartment? Ed guessed that he was… scared. What if Mustang would just shut the door closed right before his face, without caring to hear a word? What would Ed do then? Yell his apologize from the letterbox…? Maybe not…

"Oh, I know! Ed's been suffering from a very terrible disease which haunts everyone and can take them down in a second," Keith said in a dramatic voice to get everyone's attention.  
"And what would that 'terrible disease' be, Mister Smartass," Chris snorted.  
"Ed has got heartache, of course!"

Ed shook his head and walked out of the classroom. School was already over anyways.  
"No, I haven't. I just… had a fight with someone," he said without turning around to face his friends who soon followed him.  
"A fight with your _girlfriend _maybe?"  
Ed rolled his eyes. "Nah."  
"With some girl you like?"  
"Not even close."  
"With Al?"  
"Nope, not this time."

Ed's friends continued their guesses which all went wrong of course.  
"Oh, I know… that man you ran after once? You know, the one who's 'an old friend of yours', according to your own words…"  
Everyone stopped and stared at Andy and Ed cursed himself because he had forgotten that Andy was pretty sharp.  
"Ha, it's true, you can tell by that look!" Ed snorted.

"Alright, I had a fight with him. You happy now?"  
The guys glanced at each other and then Greg said: "Whatever it is… you should really sort it out since it obviously bothers you that much."  
Ed nodded, and he was glad that they didn't want any details. "I will."

* * *

And the same night Ed found himself standing behind Mustang's door. Ed wiped his sweaty hands in his pants and tried to remember the things he was supposed to say. Finally Ed breathed in and rang the doorbell. _Before you close the door, just hear me out… I was such an idiot and yeah – a brat and_- The door opened and for a moment Ed was completely speechless. Because Mustang wasn't the one staring at Ed.

"Hi! I'm Cheryl. You must be looking for Roy, right?"  
Ed could do nothing but nod as Cheryl motioned for Ed to come in as he did, feeling confused.  
"Roy, there's some boy asking for you…" Ed didn't even get pissed at being addressed as _some boy_ because he was too busy wondering who the hell was that woman and what the fuck was going on.

Mustang showed up to the hall and glanced at Ed, without any kind of expression at all.  
"I – er – can I talk to you…_alone,_" Ed asked, glancing at Cheryl who looked at them curiously.  
"Sure. Cheryl, you were about to leave, weren't you?" The woman pouted but then smiled.  
"Alright, I'll go. Call me, will ya?" Ed watched as Mustang nodded, knowing that he wouldn't. As Cheryl left, silence surrounded them.

"Come on in, I have some coffee left."  
Ed followed him to the kitchen, wondering if Mustang had sat there with Cheryl, talking for hours… as they did. Ed didn't like that thought at all. But the truth was for sure that Mustang had just slept with that woman. Somehow Ed didn't like that thought at all either. It was none of his business even if Mustang decided to sleep with every single woman – and man too- on the world, he wasn't supposed to care, he shouldn't care… but he still did.

As Ed glanced around in Roy's kitchen, he noticed that there were a lot of empty wine bottles on the sink. Mustang had been collapsed into drinking again. That sure didn't make Ed feel better.  
"Look, I've been feeling like shit and I – "  
Mustang sighed. "No need to be sorry for."

"There is! Just shut up and listen to me, I hate doing this but I have to say this: I'm sorry! I apologize. I really was a brat and I shouldn't have said those things I said… Well, I meant some of them but I sure didn't mean it when I said all that shit you going to die alone and that no one will ever love you. I wish I could take it back but I can't and… I know that asking for forgiveness is a little too much since I know for sure _I_wouldn't do that but… I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry and that you should forget the things I said since that's not what I think about you at all…"

Mustang sighed again and Ed didn't dare to look at him, he didn't want to see his expression.  
"Ed. Look, you're not the only one who should apologize, I said some unnecessary things too and I regret it. I know you didn't mean those things so I overreacted a bit. It's alright, of course I forgive you. And I've been thinking about the things you said and I guess that you were right: I tend to think black and white…" Ed glanced at Mustang, without believing his words. Did he just say 'I forgive you'?

"But… because of me you drank again!" _And slept with some random woman_. Mustang laughed.  
"Was it you who made me drink all those? At first I was blaming you but that's just a stupid way for not taking responsibility. I was the one being idiot, getting so hurt by your words which you didn't even mean… I did some really stupid things but it's alright now. Especially now that you're here."

Ed stared at his cup and furrowed. He didn't get Mustang at all.  
"I don't get you, you know," he muttered aloud. Mustang laughed a bit.  
"I'm not surprised. Why don't we just put that fight behind us? It was some stupid fight about some shit, right?"  
Ed glanced at him and grinned a bit.  
"Yea… I guess so."

They were quiet for a while until Mustang said: "So… how have you been?" Ed shrugged.  
"Been better… My friends were damn annoying and they made a mountain out of a molehill when they found out I got a C from one test in school…" Mustang chuckled a bit.  
"You get A's all the time, right?" Ed nodded, confused.  
"Oh, is that so… I have so much influence on you? You can't even concentrate on alchemy?"

Ed swallowed and felt his cheeks turning red; Mustang's smirk sure wasn't helping.  
"I was just worried and felt so damn guilty," Ed muttered, not quite understanding why he was getting so embarrassed. Mustang sighed.  
"I'm sorry that you had to screw up because of my idiocy…"

Ed glanced at Mustang.  
"It's not your fault; it was my fault for being such a brat! How many times do I have to say this: I _don't care_ about some fucking test, I care about -"  
Mustang's expression was somehow… hoping?

"You care about… what," he asked in a soft tone even though he knew for sure what Ed was going to say. _Bastard…_ "I care about _you_."  
Ed raised his eyes from his hands and stared at Mustang. He was smiling, looking really happy. Ed had never seen him looking that happy before. "I'm glad to hear that."

"Well, err… You know me so well, maybe even better than Al does… and no matter how bad I screw up, you seem to forgive me… And I like talking to you, just sitting here on your kitchen with you, without saying a word. It feels really good, I guess I've never been so comfortable around anyone – expect for Al of course, but he's my brother so it's only natural… When I'm with you, it just feels… right. And I feel like I can be whoever I want, whatever I want…"

Ed glanced at Mustang who suddenly looked pretty demanding. "Ed. What _are we_?"  
Ed blinked his eyes and raised his eyebrows. What were they…? What kind of question was that?  
"I don't know…" They were… Ed had no idea. He shrugged.  
"Uh – friends?" Somehow the silence felt pretty heavy…  
"Right. I just wanted to make sure."  
Ed nodded but for some reason he had the feeling that Mustang wasn't being completely honest with him… putting that aside, Ed started to talk about anything else.

In the end it was almost the same as ever… But just almost. Somehow Ed had a hard time trying to relax when Mustang was staring at him in that weird way of his and it seemed like he never lowered his eyes from Ed. It was confusing, it made Ed nervous. Then Mustang sighed.  
"As I said, I've been thinking about the things you said… And maybe you're right, maybe I should just move on because it seems like he's never going to realize, maybe he doesn't even want to realize."

"I think you shouldn't do that, you shouldn't move on…"  
Ed felt Mustang's eyes on him put he didn't raise his head to face them.  
"Why not? But that's what you told me earlier…" Ed nodded.  
"I know. But come on, since when have you done as I've said," Ed asked, grinning.

"Besides… if that fucking idiot doesn't realize, then _make_ him realize, just say it right to his face! And just _forget_ 'bout all that shit I said. Of course someone will love you, I bet _many _have already. You're really nice, you always think about others and especially those who you care about even though you might not show it… You're fun to be around and I guess that you're pretty good-looking too…"

Ed couldn't believe that he was actually complementing _Mustang_ of all people but so it seemed like… Life sure was weird.  
"Is that so? That's what you really think of me," Mustang asked and Ed snorted as he saw the man's wide grin.  
"You have your bad sides too but if I'd tell them, I would be talking the whole night. Anyways, say: 'I love you'."

Mustang blinked and even though it was damn hard to read his expressions, somehow Ed was able to see confuse. "What…?"  
"For the practice!"  
Mustang watched Ed for a while and then looked away, snorting. "Ed, look, I don't think – "  
"Oh, come on! Don't be such a chicken. Just imagine I'm the one you love and maybe then it'll be easier to tell it to _him_…"

Mustang shook his head. Ed had no idea why he was like that, it annoyed him a bit but Ed knew that he was only annoyed because he knew for sure that his and Mustang's way of thinking things were different. He didn't know how Mustang thought about things. Maybe he never would.  
"No offense, but don't take everything so damn seriously… Just do it, _please_, if not for you, do it for him… and a little for me too."

And another thing Ed had no idea about: why the hell was he suddenly so damn pushy about that. Why did he had to force Mustang to say something he clearly didn't want to say, and it was not like neither of them benefitted from it, well… maybe Mustang would, maybe not. It annoyed Ed too. The fact that he had no idea _why_ he was suddenly doing things like that and _what _the hell he was thinking by even suggesting something like that.

Mustang sighed deeply in a way which told Ed that he had given in. Another inscrutable thing; usually Mustang would have quarreled with Ed for hours, _anything_ so that he wouldn't have to be the first one to give in. The man sure had changed.

"Fine," Mustang blurted and looked Ed in his eyes, in a demanding way, in a way which seemed to see through Ed, straight in his mind. It freaked Ed out but somehow he couldn't turn away.  
"_I love you; I'm in love with you_."  
Ed turned his gaze away from Mustang's and wondered if his heart was supposed to be beating _that_ fast… "So…?"  
Ed laughed and sounded a bit nervous. "I think the greatest idiot in the world would get _that_."  
Mustang smiled. "Good."

Before they noticed, it was getting dark once again. "I should go," Ed said even though he really _didn't_ want to go. He wanted to stay. It was weird but… seemed natural somehow, like everything with Mustang lately. Ed watched Mustang as he was standing in front of the window, staring outside. Ed was about to get up when he hear the man say: "You can stay too you know… if you want to."

"I can," Ed asked and he realized to be embarrassed from his a little _too_ enthusiastic tone. Mustang smirked a bit.  
"Sure you can. And if you say a word about being a bother, I'll shut your mouth with a duck tape."  
Ed raised his eyebrows and glanced at Mustang, as Ed saw that he was kidding, he grinned. "Get it."

* * *

Later on, when it was already past midnight, Ed was lying on Mustang's sofa. They had argued about sleeping, Mustang had insisted that Ed could sleep on his bed like the time when he had been drunk but this time Ed didn't give in. It sure was strange… Clearly Mustang didn't want him to sleep on the couch but he had still given in, sighing. _Maybe he's getting old… Arguing with a brat like me is only tiresome_,_ I guess…_

Ed closed his eyes and tried to sleep but somehow he was feeling himself restless. He was trying to tell himself that it was only because he wasn't used into Mustang's apartment… But for some weird reason, Ed was quite sure that it wasn't about that.

If Ed was lying there, _really_ silently, he could actually hear Mustang's breathing from his bedroom. Sleeping with Mustang, even though they weren't in the same room, was somehow disturbing… Ed couldn't explain it, not in a way that it would make sense. It wasn't that he would have any reason to be cautious that Mustang would suddenly appear and try to choke Ed or something… Of course he didn't even consider that, he trusted in the man 100 %. Then what was it? Ed had no idea what he should do so that the feeling would go away.

Suddenly Mustang's bedroom door opened and the man appeared. Ed closed his eyes and wondered if the man was really about to kill Ed… He had to snort because the thought intrinsically was so absurd.  
"Can't sleep?"  
Ed opened his eyes and felt nervousness run through his veins as he realized how close Mustang was, leaning over Ed's face. "Um… not really…"  
"Me neither. Come on, let's get something to drink, it's no use to roll on the bed either." Ed obeyed and followed Mustang to the kitchen.

They talked and argued in a nice way, and Ed enjoyed every single moment of it.  
"You know… it's good to have you around. I guess I _have _been pretty lonely," Mustang confessed somewhere in between and Ed had been nothing but glad from his words. When they finally went to sleep, Ed felt himself still a little restless before he finally fell asleep.

* * *

The next two weeks the days were like that, Ed went to Mustang's place, and they talked, talked and _talked_. Ed was amazed how it seemed that even though they never really did anything besides talking and sitting in the silence, Ed still enjoyed every moment of it. He couldn't get bored of it. And if, for some reason, they couldn't see each other, then that same restless took over Ed and he couldn't really concentrate on anything.

He had no idea since when Mustang had become so… important. Ed didn't want to think about his life before he had ran into Mustang and suddenly they had became so close in such a little time. Sure, his life had been good but now… Spending time with him made Ed so incredibly happy, sometimes he felt like he could blow up from all that positive energy he got when he could see Mustang's face again. Ed had thought that maybe he had been a little lonely too, just like Mustang had been. But neither of them was anymore.

Ed had – for the first time – someone besides Al who he could tell _everything_, someone who managed to make Ed comfortable in his skin, and someone who managed to make him… whole. When Ed really thought about it, that same restlessness had always been within him, a part of him, but somehow when Mustang had came back in his life, the restlessness was gone too… Expect for those moments when Ed hadn't seen him in a while. And when Ed was sleeping on his sofa, but that was one of those things which Ed just couldn't understand, no matter how much he tried so he just let it be.

It felt like for the first time Ed saw everything clearly, he could watch out of the window and realize that the world was a damn beautiful place. He was happy to be alive.

* * *

" – And he told me about the first time he had gotten drunk, he was only seventeen back then and the really had made a fool out of himself. And then his mom had of course found out and he had gotten the longest homily _ever_! I was laughing so fucking much, you should've heard all the things he told, it was damn hilarious…"

Al smiled a bit but somehow his expression was puzzled too.  
"Brother… you really like the colo – er, Mustang, don't you?"  
Ed was a bit surprised for the unexpected question but he just shrugged and smiled widely. "I guess so…"  
Ed's cheeks already hurt from all the smiling and grinning and laughing but he couldn't help it, he couldn't stop it. It was pretty annoying at times, but well… at least he really was happy.

"And it's obvious he likes you too… he's all you talk about nowadays and you spend most of your time at his place."  
Ed raised his eyebrows, wondering what Al was trying to say. It felt that lately he and Al had been a little distant which was sad of course… And maybe it was because of what Al had just said: Ed really did spend most of his free time at Mustang's. For a tiny little moment Ed was feeling guilty, wondering if Al had been lonely but then Ed remembered that Al still had Rebecca, how could he get lonely?

"Well… yea. We're pretty good um – friends, I guess…"  
Friends. Somehow considering Mustang as his friend was still too weird. But what else could they be? "Anyways, how are things with Rebecca?" Al's eyes looked really sharp, he had the expression which almost freaked Ed out a bit, as if he was lying and Al was going to squeeze the truth out of him, no matter what.

"Fine. You think that you're friends with Mustang?"  
Ed watched Al for a while. What the hell…? He shrugged. "Uh… yeah? Why?" Al sighed.  
"Well… it doesn't really seem like that…"

Why was his brother acting suddenly so hesitant? What did he think and why was it so damn hard to say it out loud?  
"Then what does it seem, could you please tell me," Ed snapped. Al sighed yet again and didn't look Ed as he said: "Well… it seems like you're more than just friends."

Ed blinked his eyes and shook his head in disbelief. More than friends? He and Mustang? What the hell? The thing that surprised Ed most was probably the fact that he didn't even laugh. He sure didn't feel like laughing at all. "What the hell, why would you think something like that?"

Ed had no idea why he was angry but that didn't seem very important in that moment.  
"Come on, everyone would think that! As I said, he's all you talk about, I bet he's all you think of, and you spend all your time at his place… You've been really happy since you met him and you're getting more and more happier, I can see that. You were really down after you had that fight with him. Every time you have spend time with him, you come home and you… _shine_. Look, brother… I've known you for all my life and I swear to God, I've never seen you as happy as you are now."

Ed was silent for a long time. He had no idea what to think, what to say… Ed was completely speechless.  
"It seems to me that… you're in love with him."  
They stared at each other for a long time until Ed said: "Hell no," but somehow he couldn't look Al in the eyes. Then Ed rose up and left the apartment.

First he was just walking fast, thinking about all the things his brother had said and in the end Ed realized that he was running as fast as he could, with one sentence running through in his head: _"You're in love with him," _with every single step he took,  
_"You're in love with him_."  
"I'M NOT IN FUCKING LOVE," Ed yelled and some random granny looked pretty shocked by his discharge.

* * *

"What's up with you again?"  
Ed sighed and was a bit annoyed at himself because obviously he couldn't even hide his bad mood… And why the hell did Greg have to come, _every time_ and bother Ed, couldn't he just leave Ed alone?  
"Al thinks that I'm more than friends with, uh, Roy."  
He really had to get used to say his name out loud…

Greg was quiet for a long time before he sat next to Ed.  
"Look, no offense or anything, but Al has got a point. Whatever you have with that guy, it's not… I mean, it doesn't really seem like it's a common thing… Everyone else thinks like that too."  
Ed buried his head in his palms. Great. Just... great. And suddenly others appeared too – Chris, Andy and Keith.

"So, what's the reason Ed's heart is aching this time," Keith asked and grinned. Ed groaned at him and he groaned even more when Greg said: "The one thing – or _person_ Ed talks about nowadays…"

"Oh, it's that Ray Mustang, was it?"  
"It's _Roy,_" Ed muttered.  
"Right… so have you been fighting again?"  
Greg explained what Ed had said and suddenly Ed really _regretted_ that he had just blurted out something like that…  
"Yea… that thing you have with that guy, it's pretty weird," Chris said after a while and Ed glanced at him and others too, seeing that they had a really serious expressions.

"I don't have _anything_ with him, why can't anyone get that?" Ed got up and rushed away. _Fuck! FUCK this!_ Everything was nothing but a mess, Ed didn't understand anything at all, he had no idea what was going on and it was tearing him apart. And _he was not in love with Roy Mustang_. Not until hell would freeze over.

"Al!" Ed's little brother glanced at him as Ed arrived to the apartment like a thunderstorm.  
"What's up…?"  
"That friend of Rebecca's, Anna… do you think she still wants to go out with me?"  
Al furrowed and then his face lightened up.  
"Oh, Amy? I bet she does, do you want me to call Rebecca so that you can get her number?"  
Ed nodded enthusiastically. Everything would be alright, perfect…

"Wait up…" Ed glanced at Al and groaned at his suspicious face.  
"Don't tell me you're going out with her now because of what I said, you know about you being in – "  
" – It's _not_ about that, just shut up, I don't wanna hear that fucking bullshit. Just _call Rebecca_, will you?"  
Ed breathed in and realized how desperate he was sounding to his own ears too. Al sighed.

"Look, I'm sorry that I messed up you like that, I didn't mean to. But I want you to know that it's alright if you really feel like that towards Mustang, really Ed, there's nothing wrong with being ga – "  
" – _AL_, will you _please_ just leave it? He's nothing to me! Nothing but a friend…"  
Ed walked across the room and went to the kitchen, and stood by the window, staying there just staring outside. It took a while before Al appeared behind Ed and sighed in a tone which told that he had given in.

"Fine, I'll organize a date with Amy, if that's what you want…" Ed turned around and nodded, smiling.  
"It is, thanks Al."  
"Anything for you, brother," Al muttered but the involuntary expression didn't fade from his face as he called Rebecca. It was really weird since it was the first time Al was looking that unhappy as he was calling his girlfriend. But everything would be alright, it really would… 


	5. The Date

A/N: I can't say that I like how this story goes... Since I never really stopped thinking 'what next', I just... wrote whatever came to my mind, as always. : D

5. The Date

The next evening Ed found himself sitting on a café, Amy sitting in front of him, smiling shyly. Ed was nodding as she talked quietly about something but he couldn't really tell what she was saying, Ed wasn't listening. He was staring at her face, thinking that she was… perfect, she had long, dark brown hair and her eyes were big and brown too. She was really small, in an adorable way and the way she smiled seemed to lighten up the whole café. Then why couldn't it lighten up Ed?

"When you asked me out, I couldn't believe it… Because I've always thought that you're really great but I never dared to come and talk to you…"  
Ed sighed quietly as he looked Amy who was blushing and staring at her mug. Ed laughed dryly.  
"I'm not really anything great, not even close…"

He wasn't. Even though someone as sweet as Amy seemed to have feelings for Ed, all Ed felt was pity for her. Because Al had been right, once again… The only one Ed thought about was Mustang. Even when she was smiling so softly, all Ed could think about was: what was Mustang doing? He hated himself for that.

"Yes you are! You might not be as gentle as your brother is but you're really intelligent and it's kind of cool how you're so determined about everything and don't really care what people think about you… You should have more faith in yourself."  
Ed was a bit surprised as Amy said all those things, surprised that she could be noisy and determined too. Intelligent, he? It sure didn't seem like that, for certain reasons… Determined? Perhaps, sometimes. Doesn't really think about what people thought…? Well, that couldn't be true. If it was, Ed wouldn't care what Al, Greg and everyone said about… Mustang and him.

"Um… Ed?" Ed sighed and got up.  
"I'm sorry, but I gotta go," he said and couldn't look in Amy's eyes.  
"Oh… okay. Can we go out some other time too?" Ed shook his head.  
"I'm sorry but… I can't. You see, I have feelings for someone else… I'm sorry, really."  
Ed glanced at Amy and hated himself even more when he saw her confusion and then tears glittering in her eyes. Ed couldn't do anything; he had got to get out of that place.

Ed had no idea how did he end up there, in the yard of the building where Mustang lived. He was just standing there, staring at the window of Mustang's living room, it was raining and Ed was getting soaked and he wasn't thinking about anything but _how fucking hard he wanted to see Mustang's face_. And Ed hated it. He wasn't supposed to feel like that, to be like that… He was supposed to be with Amy, to realize that he wanted to be with her, Ed should be thinking about what a great time they had had. But he just _couldn't_.

Since when did it become like that? Since when had Mustang taken over Ed's thoughts, his mind? Ed wanted to go to him, to yell at his face, to punch him, to force him to leave Ed alone, his thoughts alone, so that they wouldn't be only about _him_. Ed knew he couldn't do it. And besides, it wasn't _Mustang's_ fault, was it? No. Mustang was just in love with that damn perfect guy whoever that was… and Ed was just something which didn't belong to their equation. He was a leftover. Ed sighed, he felt so tired, so numb… It was slowly eating him apart, feeling like that. It had been a long time since he had been that anxious. But he had never been anxious in a way like _that_.

Suddenly Mustang's balcony door was opened and the man was standing there, staring outside. Ed couldn't move, couldn't do anything at all. And then Mustang finally noticed him.  
"Ed? What the hell are you doing?" Ed shrugged a bit.  
"Wait a moment!" He disappeared for a while and appeared again.  
"Catch," was all Ed heard before he realized that Mustang had thrown a key for him. Thanks to Ed's good reflects, he managed to catch it.  
"Come inside before you freeze to death!"

Ed didn't even think when he did as he was told and soon he realized that he had opened the front door to the building and as Ed climbed the stairs to the second floor, he saw Mustang standing at his door, leaning on the frames of it. "What the hell were you thinking back there," Mustang sighed as he let Ed in and practically pushed him to the bathroom. "Take a shower, I'll bring you some dry clothes," he said and Ed hated the way he was shivering by Mustang's touch, wishing he would be shivering only from the cold but he wasn't. As Ed took off his clothes and started to shower, he realized how cold he really was.

Later on, Ed once again found himself sitting on Mustang's kitchen, dressed on Mustang's white shirt which was at least two sizes too big for Ed but it was comfortable on him… and it smelled like Mustang… _What the hell am I thinking_, Ed thought and the same anxious took control. He really _was_ an idiot for thinking something as stupid as that… Ed blew on his coffee mug and enjoyed how warm it felt in his palms.

"What's the matter? Did you have a fight with Al or…?"  
Ed shook his head and mumbled: "Nothing's wrong, I'm alright…"  
He couldn't really face Mustang's eyes and it annoyed him a bit. Mustang sighed.  
"Ed. I know you and I sure know the fact that you're a terrible liar. Just tell me."

Ed stared stubbornly in his mug. No way in hell he would tell that he had been so anxious lately because of Mustang… Because he made Ed feel… weird. In a bad way. A tiny little voice whispered to Ed that it _hadn't_ been that bad, had it? Not until Ed started to _think_ about it… _Oh, shut up!_ Finally, Mustang sighed in a 'I give in'-way.  
"Alright, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to…"

Ed was relieved to hear that. At least Mustang was fair… and nice… and so damn kind sometimes and all Ed wanted to do was to be with him, like that… It didn't mean that he was _in love_, did it? Well… it was true that he had shivered from Mustang's touch in a way _friends did not shiver_ when their friend touched them… Ed sighed and decided not to think for a moment. It was too exhausting and he only managed to bring himself more down like that.

"Mustang…"  
"Is my last name, yes." Ed snorted.  
"Fine then, _Roy._ Are you… sure that you will always be in love with, err, _him_?"  
Mustang stared at Ed for a moment before he smiled a bit.  
"I'm sure."

Ed nodded and didn't look at him as he drank the end of his coffee. So Ed didn't have a chance at all… It was not as if he _wanted_ to have one though… But it was good to know that… Though it really _hurt_. It wasn't _supposed_ to hurt! But Ed just didn't give a damn about that anymore… He couldn't because it hurt so bad and he really wanted to punch Mustang for doing all that to him but he felt way too weak even though he would kick Mustang's ass anytime… Somehow Ed was sure that he _couldn't _punch Mustang, no matter how much he _wanted _to.

"I wouldn't be so sure… that he really deserves you," Ed said and tried to control his heart which obviously wanted to beat itself out of Ed's chest. Against all odds, Mustang _laughed_.  
"That's funny… I think that _I'm_ the one who doesn't deserve _him_…"  
Ed snorted. _Well of course you think that. What the hell is so special about him anyways?_ What kind of person he was, Ed had to wonder… There must be _something_ about him, why else would he affect on Mustang, of all people, like that? Somehow that made Ed feel pretty anxious.

"Have you ever thought that… he has someone else?" Mustang sighed pretty deeply.  
"I'm thinking about, fearing that every single day…"  
Ed turned his gaze towards his own hands. Despite the fact that Mustang hadn't told about his feelings for that person… still, he must be cold or just cruel! Even though Mustang never really showed his feelings, it would be _obvious _for anyone that he was really deep in love, even Ed realized that… So, what was the sense in hanging on a person like that…?

Ed clenched his fists, he wanted to say… That Mustang should just move on and… and start to think about someone else, maybe, just for example… he should think about Ed. Even if it was just a bit, just for a while.

Ed almost got scared of himself when he realized how _desperate _he felt himself at the moment. Because it seemed to be _everything_ and even more than he could ever ask. _Alright, here goes… I can say it. Maybe he needs to think about it, for some time too but… it might be worth it, I guess… _

Ed just managed to open his mouth when the doorbell rang. Silence fell into the room and for a moment Ed wasn't sure, which one of them was more surprised, he or Mustang. Then Mustang got up and went to open the door.  
"Good evening, we came to cheer up your lonely night!"  
Ed was even more surprised to realize that he heard Havoc, Hughes and Hawkeye's voices. Maybe Ed had just figured that it was one of Mustang's women… Ed was relieved that it wasn't. Though he was still a bit irritated, why did they have to come _right now_, when Ed was just about to say something very important…?

Ed sighed. Well, maybe it was better that he just didn't say anything at all…  
"What the hell are you doing here," Mustang groaned and didn't sound pleased at all by the surprise visit.

"Oh, come on! You're really happy about seeing us, you love us," Havoc said.  
"Unless you have _someone_ here with you…"  
Suddenly Havoc peeked in to the kitchen and looked really confused as he realized Ed was sitting there. The others peeked in too and everyone seemed to be surprised as well. "Good evening, Edward," Hawkeye said then. "Uh, evening…"

Everyone entered and Mustang was looking pretty pissed. "So… you're staying overnight here?"  
Ed glanced at Hawkeye and remembered that he was wearing only boxers and Mustang's shirt… Ed didn't want to imagine what they were thinking about that, their looks were odd enough.  
"Um, actually I just – "  
"He is," Mustang said, interrupting Ed. _Huh…?_  
"Oh, so that's how it is," Havoc said and grinned in a way which made Ed pretty uncomfortable for some reason. He realized that Havoc was already pretty drunk.

"It's nice seeing you don't spend all your nights all by yourself," Hughes said, glancing at Mustang.  
"Yes and now that you've seen that I'm not alone, why don't you just leave?"  
"Oh, come on, don't be so rude! After we brought all this…"  
Havoc lifted a bag to the table and by the jingle of it, Ed was sure that it was alcohol. Havoc searched something from the bag and handed a bottle of wine for Mustang.  
"Look, we brought your favorite too." Mustang rolled his eyes.  
"Fine then… Do whatever you want."

Ed had just put his clothes on in Mustang's bathroom and as he opened the door, he saw Mustang who was standing in the hall.  
"Are you alright, with them crowing in here?" Ed shrugged.  
"Yeah, I guess… But you don't seem to be very pleased about it…" Mustang snorted a bit.  
"True. You were about to say something, right…?" Ed looked at Mustang and shook his head.  
"Uh, it was nothing special…"  
"You sure?"

Ed nodded and went past Mustang to the living-room where everyone else was because it was too weird and somehow Ed had to escape from Mustang's eyes because they seemed to see right through Ed. Mustang came to the living-room and took the glass Hawkeye handed him. Ed was a bit worried, what if he would drink too much again…? And right after even thinking about that, Ed wanted to punch himself. Why the hell was he so worried about _Mustang_? He wasn't supposed to give a fuck even if Roy decided to destroy himself… but Ed couldn't deny it, couldn't help it, he _did_ care.

And the time when he didn't… was there a time like that in the beginning? Or maybe he had just always cared about Mustang, but he just couldn't bring himself to admit it… And now that he did that, he only ended up realizing that he seemed to care about Mustang a little too much. Awesome, just… awesome.

Ed watched as Mustang talked with Hawkeye and when he brushed her hair off her face, Ed startled. Sure, he had figured that they had to be pretty close, but… _that_ close? Mustang turned around to say something to Hughes and saw Ed who was still staring at him, without being able to turn his gaze away. Then Havoc came and sat to the arm of the chair Ed was sitting. "Yo, chief, why the long face?"

Ed glanced at him and wasn't surprise to see that the man was drinking from a bottle.  
"Did we maybe interrupt something," he asked and grinned, trying to focus his gaze.  
"Huh? What the hell does that mean? We were just talking…" Ed didn't like the way how Havoc leaned in closer and raised his eyebrows.

"Oh, really…? The way you were dressed back there seemed just a bit suspicious. And you two acted like it was totally normal, pretty suspicious, I'd say…"  
Ed blushed a bit as he realized what Havoc was trying to say.  
"It's not like that at all… I was soaked when I got here so Mustang lend me some clothes."  
Havoc raised his eyebrows yet again and somehow the man was starting to piss Ed off.  
"Whatever you say…"

Ed was glad to have something else to think when Havoc got up and went to the toilet and when Mustang was suddenly standing before Ed, handing a glass of wine for him.  
"Are you trying to get me drunk once again," Ed muttered as he took the glass and tasted the wine.  
"And why would I do that," Mustang snorted. Ed shrugged. "Why won't you tell me that?"

Ed bit his lips as somehow awkward silence fell between them.  
"Don't mind about Jean, he can be quite annoying when he's drunk…"  
Ed nodded and stared at Mustang confused, wishing that he could interpret the man even if it was just a little. Mustang went to refill his glass, Havoc tried to harass Hawkeye but stopped when Hawkeye calmly pointed a gun at his head. Ed was thinking about leaving, when Hughes came to him.

"How's Alphonse," he asked. Ed smiled.  
"Good, studying like I am. He also has a girlfriend; they make a nice match…"  
"That's nice. How about you, any girlfriend yet?"  
Ed grimaced. Why was everyone so curious about his non-existent love life? Despite the fact that there was Mustang… and Ed's weird feelings towards him. And that… Al had said Ed was in love with Mustang. Which he wasn't… maybe. All he knew was that he was feeling unbelievably happy around Mustang, he wanted to be around him, and in the same time he was pretty nervous too… and anxious, for thinking Mustang would never want him, or need him… in a way Ed wanted him and needed him.

Ed shut his eyes closed; he _did not want to think about all that_. He was not in love with Mustang… or was he? Ed opened his eyes and his eyes wandered to the man who was staring outside from the window.  
"Um, no," Ed remembered to answer for Hughes.  
"Why not? I'll tell you something: settling down is the best thing in the whole world, especially when it's with someone you love." Ed sighed.

"Right…"  
"Well, I guess you're still pretty young, I tend to forget about that sometimes… So I'll just save my preach for Roy." Ed grinned a bit.  
"He sure needs those." Hughes nodded.  
"He's really stubborn about it… But enough about Roy. Have you seen these pictures of my beautiful daughter…?"  
Ed wanted to laugh when he realized that Hughes would probably never change.

When Hughes finally put his pictures away (when Roy groaned at him: "Stop torturing Ed too, for god's sake!") he asked: "You're going out with girls, right?"  
Ed blinked his eyes from surprise and as he looked at the others, he saw that they were waiting for his answers as well.  
"Even if it isn't any of your damn business, _yea_, I am. Actually, I was earlier today on a date with someone." Ed glared at Havoc who whistled lowly. Ed was glad that none of them knew that all Ed could think on that date was one person in that room: Mustang… Ed would die for sure if _anyone_ would know…

Suddenly he realized that he hadn't thought about Amy after he left her alone at the café… Ed wondered if she was alright. Ed decided that he'd give her a better apologize… But what the hell could he say?  
"_Oh, I'm sorry but I think I'm in love with someone. Who, you might wonder? Just my ex-commander from the military. Who's 14 years older than me. OH, and he is a man_." No way in hell he would _ever_ say that.

"So, how was she," Hughes asked.  
"She's really pretty. And her personality is great too; she's really sweet and pretty shy. She's awesome…"  
Ed wondered if anyone knew how badly he was lying at the moment. Well, sure, Ed _was_ telling the truth, Amy was awesome but not awesome enough. Not special enough. And even though she was sweet and pretty, she couldn't make Ed feel a thing. It was like hanging out with Winry, who was almost like a sister for Ed. What if Ed had gone out with her _before _he had met Mustang again? Would Ed be dating her right now? Would he be in love with her, like a crazy? But he hadn't met her before Mustang.

And Mustang seemed to have taken control of Ed's thoughts, and Ed hated it. He had just wanted to be normal, having a normal life… which he had had until Mustang came! Ed would've wanted to blame on Mustang for everything but he knew it would be stupid and pointless. After all, Mustang never _forced_ Ed to establish some damn feelings for him, did he? Right. And now Ed was stuck with it, and couldn't quite find a way out of it. He had no idea what to do. It wasn't like he could ask for Mustang not to be himself… just so Ed would pretend everything between them was normal. When it wasn't, not for Ed at least.

"Well, isn't that nice," Mustang said then and the tone of his voice made Ed glance at him.  
"Huh?"  
"It's a bit amazing, don't you think? Is she incredibly short or what? As I've said, women prefer tall men."  
Ed couldn't stop himself as he got up and literally pushed Mustang against the wall, grabbing his collar once again.  
"What the hell is your problem? Why the hell do you seem to think it's impossible for someone wanting to be with me? I'm short, _so fucking what_? I can't really help it, can I?"

Mustang blinked his eyes in surprise and when Ed was breathing in heavily, he had collected himself, saying: "I'm not saying the shortness is the only thing you lack… or the only thing that's short in you. Your patience if awfully short too. And you have a very bad temperate. And eloquence is really not your thing… You're nothing but a brat."  
Ed _hated_ that part in Mustang. But Ed realized that even if he was a bastard and even if he was really good at making Ed feel like shit, _still_ Ed just couldn't help but… _loving him_.

"Fuck you! And you're so much better than me, once again, right? You're so _pathetic_, in love with someone who'll probably never love you back! You fuck some women who you don't give a shit about! You're so _disgusting_, being so slick about them so that they won't have a clue about what a bastard you really are! And you still think you're better than anyone else…? _Fuck you!_ You're just so damn _pitiful_! I fucking hate you!"

Mustang snorted and pushed Ed away.  
"I've never thought like that. You hate me…? Great, that makes the two of us!"  
Ed watched as Mustang grabbed a bottle from Havoc and marched to the balcony, banging the door closed with so much force that the windows clinked.

"Oh fuck," Ed said. Why was he so stupid? Why was he just like Mustang had said, bad tempered _brat_. Nothing but a brat… that was what Ed was for him? Ed blinked his eyes when he realized tears glittering in them. _He would NOT fucking cry about it_! Though he really wanted to. He was an idiot and clearly he had just made Mustang feel like shit. And he had lied too… because he didn't _hate _him, quite the opposite… Though he really did hate the way Mustang was like that, the same old bastard as ever, patronizing Ed.

"Uh-oh…"  
"I'll go talk to him," Hawkeye said and got up. Ed felt a hand patting his shoulder and glanced up.  
"You two never change, do you? Though it seems like you don't fight nearly as much as you used to."  
Ed shrugged.  
"Guess so… That was the second time we fought after we met again… and then he ended up drinking too much… Fuck, I'm an idiot; he just makes me say all these things that I don't really mean…"  
Ed sighed and rubbed his eyes. Hughes patted his back.

"Roy tends to take things like this a little too seriously these days… That's just the way he is, I think he just cares about you, he's thinks that after you have a little fight about nothing, you'll never show up again and he blames himself and tries to drown his misery by drinking."  
Ed stared at Hughes without believing his ears. Then he glanced to the balcony and was a bit surprised to see that Hawkeye _wasn't _pointing a gun at his face but talking to him, obviously calming him down and she had managed to take the bottle away from him too.

"I think you're right, he's pathetic… he's lost it, really," Havoc slurred. Hughes sighed and shook his head as he watched the man lying on the sofa. "And you've drink too much…"  
"That's… so fucking stupid; he's an idiot for thinking like that… like hell I would run away for a _fight_! And it's his entire fault…" Hughes nodded.  
"Exactly, why won't you tell him that?"  
Ed nodded and so he did, when Mustang came back in and Ed practically dragged him to the kitchen.

"Look, once again I said some stupid shit which I didn't mean and I'm sorry. I lost my temper… though it was your fault, it's not like you're the only one to blame. You can't really put up a fight by yourself, it takes two. But I'm gonna seriously kick your ass, if you think that I wouldn't want to be around you anymore because you just said some shit which you – hopefully – didn't mean. It's okay… I don't hate you really. Just an… old habit, saying that, I guess?"

Ed glanced at Mustang's expressionless face and muttered: "Anyways, I'm sorry…"  
Mustang sighed. "Thank you. For saying that. And I'm sorry too… Fuck, we can't just be without fighting over the stupidest things, can we?" Ed grinned a bit.  
"It'd be too weird if we were all nice and sweet for each other, wouldn't it?" Mustang smiled and Ed noticed he looked really tired. "I guess so."  
"Anyways… you don't have to get all depressed by the shit I say… okay?" Mustang nodded.  
"I'll try next time since it seems that we'll be having these stupid little fights _a lot_."

Ed grinned a bit and then, suddenly, Mustang leaned in and wrapped his arms around Ed, pulling him in for a hug.  
"Sorry, just felt like it," Mustang muttered but didn't pull away.  
"It's okay," Ed mumbled and put his arms around Mustang, hoping that he wouldn't feel how fast Ed's heart was beating, aching because it _felt so damn good. _It seemed to last long and Ed was thinking that he should just let go of Mustang but he couldn't bring himself to do that and Mustang wasn't really pulling away either…

"How cute is that."  
Ed and Mustang immediately stepped back from each other and glanced at Havoc who was swaying at the door. Ed was really uncomfortable by the way he was looking at them. Though back in the military Ed had been totally alright around the man… Maybe it was because he was drunk, that he was acting differently, somehow creepily.

"Are you gonna drink all by yourself," Mustang sighed as Havoc grabbed another bottle.  
"You can help me out, feel free to! Come on, boss, life is short, so _drink_!"  
Mustang laughed a bit as Havoc went back to the living-room. "Well, you heard what he said…"  
Mustang grabbed Ed's glass and refilled it. Then Mustang grabbed his own glass which was half full.  
"With the words of a genius: _Life is short so drink_!" Ed grinned as they cheered.

Later on Ed was lying on the sofa, yawning a bit. He was feeling himself pretty tired and languid, like all the power was taken away from him, in a relaxing way. Ed never remembered that wine made him feel like that. _Uh, it's really late already… I should probably get going but I'm way too tired to get up_… Ed opened his eyes slightly to see Mustang who was grimacing at Hughes who was showing the pictures of his wife and daughter. Ed chuckled a bit at the scene. Mustang was so… Mustang. There was really no one like him. Maybe it was a good thing too.

Ed was thinking about how he had hugged him and somehow Ed found himself hoping that the man would just hug him again, hold him, so fucking tightly that it would almost hurt. _How much have I drunk…_? Ed had no idea and he didn't really care either.  
He had _got_ to feel Mustang close to him or else he would go crazy and that aching in his chest really _hurt_. Ed was trying to pick up some power to get up but then Havoc crashed next to him.

"What's up, chief," he slurred even more badly than before. Ed glanced at him and saw that there was no way he could focus his gaze.  
"You're really fucking that Mustang, aren't you?"  
"Huh? Why the hell would you think that?"  
Ed would've been angry but the wine made him way too tired for anything like that.  
"What do you see in him anyways, he's cranky and boring and… shit. When you could really get anyone you'd want."

Ed was silent because he had no idea what to say. People found that the 'thing' between them, Mustang and him, was weird… did they think that they were _fucking_ each other? _Oh fuck._ What if _Al_ thought that? It was hard for Ed to focus his thought when the sofa was so comfy and his head felt soft so he couldn't really think.

Havoc had stopped talking and for sometime Ed just laid there, his mind dozing slowly off, hearing Mustang's voice somewhere…_ He's got a really nice voice. Kind of relaxing… Oh, he's laughing. I like the way he laughs. He should laugh more often…_ It took a while for Ed to realize that there was something going on, warm hands were tracing all over his body, from his arms to his stomach and his tights.  
"Umh… what…?"  
Ed tried to open his eyes but that seemed to be too much to ask and he was so tired… Ed realized that the hand had gone under his shirt and Ed finally managed to shake himself off from his dizziness and as he opened his eyes, the hand disappeared.

"_What the fuck are you doing_?"  
Ed blinked and tried to focus on what was going on. Mustang was there, glaring at Havoc murderously, like he could really kill him anytime soon.  
"Oy, oy… no need to get so angry…"  
"There _are_ plenty of reasons! What the fuck is _wrong with you_, touching him like that?"  
_Wow, he's really angry_... Havoc touched me? Why…?

Ed, Hughes and Hawkeye all stared speechless as Mustang shook Havoc, as if trying to get answers out of his mouth.  
"I was just fooling around; he didn't have anything again - aghain... what the fuck ever that word is..."  
"_Of course he didn't have anything against it, he was dozing off!_ You son of a…! Don't you _ever fucking_ touch him again or I will _fucking kill _you!"  
Ed swallowed as Mustang grabbed Havoc from his neck, dragging the man to the hall and then there was the click of the door and a noisy thump in the staircase and then the door was shut even more noisily. Then Mustang came back to the living-room, shaking from head to toes. He glanced at Ed and leaned closer to him.

"You alright?"  
Ed stared at his eyes and saw anger and concern. Ed couldn't do anything but nod.  
"I'm fine," he whispered and felt pretty shocked because he still had a hard time figuring what the hell had happened and because he had never saw Mustang losing his temper that badly. Usually the man was always so calm, even when they fought, he never had lost his temper completely…

Mustang sat down and buried his face into his palms. "Goddamn son of a bitch…"  
Ed glanced at Hughes and Hawkeye and saw that they were really shocked too.  
"I think it's about that we get on going… it's better if we just take Jean home," Hawkeye said then, collecting herself.  
"You're right… You alright, Roy…?"  
Mustang nodded. "I'm fine, I just… overreacted a bit, I guess. But I just – " Mustang sighed.  
"It's alright; we understand, it's normal to lose your temper over something like that." Mustang nodded and Hughes patted his shoulders and Hawkeye hugged him a bit before they left. Somehow Ed felt like he was the only one who had no idea what was really going on.

"Mustang…? You don't really need to be so protective of me, I can take care of myself you know…" Mustang snorted and got up.  
"Can you really? Sure, it seemed like that to me too when you couldn't do nothing when that fucktard was just harassing you!" Ed blinked his eyes.  
"Yea but…"  
Mustang sighed and kneed down before Ed, grabbing his face with his palms.  
"Ed. Please try to understand that I'd hate myself forever if something happened to you right before my eyes, if I wouldn't do anything to stop it…" Ed observed Mustang's face, trying to find something that would tell what he was thinking, what did he mean by saying all those things… but Ed didn't find anything at all, there was stonewall and Ed just couldn't see through it, Mustang didn't let him. Ed couldn't stand it because he knew Mustang saw right through Ed.

"Fine, fine… I'll _try_ to understand, doesn't mean I _will_ though… Anyways, sorry about causing you trouble once again. I shouldn't really drink wine; it makes me a little too languid…" Mustang sighed.  
"There you go again; saying that shit about causing trouble… when you should know it's not true. Just… shut up, for once."

Ed raised his eyebrows. "Well, isn't that a nice thing to say… why don't you make me shut up then?" Mustang was silent for a while, and then he moved his hands, stroking Ed's face a bit. Ed stared at him, without being able to move an inch, without being able to blink, to breathe… Ed's heart was beating so painfully fast as Mustang leaned in even closer and then… He pulled away.  
"It's better that you go to sleep. You know where the blankets are…"

Ed watched stunned as Mustang went to his bedroom and closed the door behind him. _What the hell was that…_? For a moment there, Ed had been sure that Mustang would've kissed him… For a moment there, Ed had wished for it so hard that it felt like he had been ripped apart. Ed felt himself pretty ridiculous, for even thinking something like that… _Mustang would laugh his ass off if he knew…_And that was why Ed would never, ever tell him.

A/N: I know, I know... I feel pretty bad for making Havoc a creep. But remember, he's _really_ drunk, right? And even the nicest persons can act like total idiots when they're drunk.


	6. Pathetic

**6. Pathetic**

_**A/N: Whoa. After this chapter there's only one final left. And then it's over. When I finished this months ago, I was trying to write an epilogue but I was having a hard time with that so I gave up. I'm not sure if I will try to write something anyways or just give you the final chapter. We'll see if I have any inspiration.**_  
_**Thanks for everyone who has reviewed! I'll bake cookies to you all… But I have to eat them by myself cuz I can't really send them… But, at least the thought's sweet, right? : D**_

Ed was having a weird dream. First there was Al, who claimed that Ed's head had turned into pumpkin… And then all Ed's friends, Greg, Andy, Chris and Keith were chasing after him, and when Ed thought he had finally gotten rid of them, Havoc appeared in front of Ed and started to harass him just like earlier but suddenly someone grabbed Ed's hand and when he opened his eyes, he realized that he was in void, all by himself… or maybe not.

"You alright," a soft voice asked and Ed turned around to see Mustang's face.  
"Mustang! Thank god, I was so scared, what the hell is going on?"  
Ed realized that he had run against Mustang and that he had wrapped his arms around him tightly.  
"It's okay now. I'm here with you…" Mustang closed Ed's eyes and then he felt soft lips against his own… _Huh, Mustang kissing me…? This is one damn weird dream…_

Ed opened his eyes and startled when he realized that Mustang's face was just inches away from his own. "Did you have a nightmare?" Ed shook his head.  
"Um, not really… why?" Mustang's gaze was intense, as if he was trying to see into Ed's thoughts.  
"You were saying something like 'leave me alone'…" Ed laughed in a way which sounded fake in his own ears too. "Oh, I just had a dream where Al claimed that my head was a pumpkin… pretty freaky, huh?" Mustang snorted. "You being a freak… not that unusual, is it?" Ed rolled his eyes.  
"Fuck off."  
"Coffee?"  
Ed nodded and got up. He wasn't able to look Mustang in the eyes…

_Ugh, fuck this! It was just a stupid dream! Besides, it's not like I want to kiss Mustang really…_ _Well, last night I did but I was drunk… well, only a little but… Damn it, who am I kidding? Of course I want to kiss him. ShitshitSHIT!_ Ed drank his coffee and sighed. He knew it. That it was for the best if he'd just stay away from the man who was sitting across him. Then why, _why_ he knew that he couldn't just stay away? To walk out that door and never come back… no way. Ed had always thought that he had a strong will but it seems that there were certain things when he just became so awfully weak like that.

"Is it that bad," Mustang suddenly asked, interrupting Ed's thoughts. "Huh…?"  
"The coffee. Is it really that bad? You've been sighing and staring at it for a while now…"  
Ed shook his head. "No, it's not the coffee, I just…" Ed glanced at Mustang and saw concern in his eyes. "Ed. Is it about yesterday? When Jean – "  
" – No! Can't you just… forget about it?" Mustang got up and hit his fists against the table, making Ed jump a bit. "_Forget_? How the hell should I _forget_…?" Ed sighed.

"I don't fucking know. All I know is that I _don't_ want to think about it… Besides, he was drunk." Mustang glared at Ed.  
"You shouldn't just pass something like that with a shrug…" Ed snorted.  
"And you shouldn't be so fucking over-protective!"  
"Well, I'm sorry for caring if you're about to get raped!" Ed stared at him and _tried_ to understand but it was pretty damn hard…

"Raped…? You seriously think he was going to rape me? Why the hell are you overreacting like that anyways?" Mustang sighed and walked towards Ed.  
"Why won't you just _realize_ this: I care about you so fucking much and I'd hate myself forever if something bad happened to you and I wouldn't even try to stop it." Ed was quiet for a while, watching at Mustang who was leaning close to Ed's face.

Ed thought a while, thought what he would do if someone made a pass on Mustang… Ed knew for sure that he wouldn't be very calm if something like that would happen… Most definitely he would punch that someone. He couldn't just sit there and watch while… Right. Of course. _Now_ Ed finally understood. "Alright… I get it now," Ed said.  
"You do," Mustang asked and looked a bit surprised.  
"Yea. I mean, I know I wouldn't just stand there and watch if it was about you…" Mustang smiled a bit. "I'm sure you wouldn't."  
"But… you were really freaky back then. I mean, you seemed to be so mad. I've never seen you like that before…"

Mustang sighed and grabbed Ed's face and smiled.  
"Sorry about that. But you need to understand yet another thing… that is: I just can't control myself when it's about you."  
Ed snorted and avoided Mustang's eyes. He hated how they just seemed to see right through him, that he felt like there was no use in hiding…

"Um… right. I should get going, I've spent lately a little too much time here at your place, don't you think," Ed muttered and got up. "Ed. I don't mind and you should already know that." Ed glanced at Mustang. _Why… why doesn't he mind_? "Yeah… sure…"  
Mustang got up and followed Ed to the hall. When Ed had gotten his shoes on, he raised his head to look at Mustang who just stood there and looked at him. The silence was deep and somehow Ed felt that the man was waiting for Ed to do or to say something… but what? Then Ed remembered something.

"Oh damn, your umbrella… I was supposed to give it back already but I forgot again…"  
Mustang smiled a bit and waved his hand as if to say 'no worries'. "It's okay." Ed knit his eyebrows together in confusion. Why was Mustang like that to him? It was so strange and new and after all that time Ed had no idea how he should react.  
"And I haven't had a chance to pay you back for that time when you paid for my drinks…"  
Mustang sighed. "It's not that big a deal if you never pay back. I don't mind." _'I don't mind…' _How many times was Mustang going to repeat that same sentence?  
"But _I do_. So just let me pay for you!" Mustang looked at Ed with an expression of surprise and then he chuckled.  
"Alright, if you insist…" Ed snorted.  
"Damn right I do…"

Mustang came closer and brushed the hair out of Ed's face with his hand. Ed stared at him for a while, unsure of what he was supposed to do. Why did Mustang touch him like that…? It felt… good. Really good, but… Mustang loved someone; he was in love with someone… someone who _wasn't_ Ed. So he shouldn't be touching Ed like that, should he? Or was it just a friendly gesture? How come it didn't really feel like it? How come Ed felt that there was… _something _in Mustang's eyes, in his smile, when he looked at Ed…? Was he just imagining some stupid shit or…?

Ed stepped away and bit his lip. "Um…"  
He glanced at Mustang and felt confused when he saw his expression. Did Mustang really look insecure or… what? "So… I'll see you later?"  
Ed nodded quickly and turned around, rushing out of the door. He just couldn't understand Mustang, who could? It was kind of funny though… He, who had no problem in understanding mathematical issues and alchemy… He wasn't the best in understanding people but he was able to do it anyways. But then there was Mustang… And Ed had no idea what he was thinking or even how the man worked…

_Why_ was he so nice for Ed? _Why_ had he gotten so angry over the incident with Havoc? _Why…_ did he touch Ed in a way no one had ever touched him before? It somehow reminded him of his mother, Mustang's hands felt the same as mom's as Ed was almost asleep and she had stroked his hair, so that he fell asleep… but at the same time, it was different. It made Ed feel safe but it also made his heart race. He… wanted it more. But he wasn't supposed to _have _it, was he? He wasn't the one Mustang wanted…

Maybe he was just a replacement. The thought made Ed stop and it felt like suddenly there was a throne in his chest. What if… Mustang was only doing it all because he couldn't get that one he wanted the most and he knew it? And then Ed had suddenly appeared and… Ed shook his head. No way. Mustang wouldn't do something like that… or would he? How could Ed know what the man was thinking when he had hugged Ed last night? Or what he was thinking every single time he looked at Ed and smiled at him? How would Ed know if Mustang, instead of seeing him, Edward Elric, saw someone else, someone he _wanted_ and _needed_ to see…?

Ed didn't want to think about that. But what if it was _true_? Ed didn't even realize that he had arrived home; he had been so lost in his thoughts… "Brother?"  
Ed glanced up and saw Al who was standing in the hall, a worried look on his face. "Oh… hi Al."  
Ed wasn't really surprised when Al followed him as he went to his room. Ed wished that Al would realize that he just wanted to be alone and think… about Mustang. Why couldn't Ed get him out of his head, even if it was just for a moment? Was it because Ed… was in love with him? Was he? Did he really love Mustang? Ed shut his eyes closed, as the answer came right away, being final, there was no other options… _He was_. _He did_.

"Is everything okay?" Ed nodded.  
"Yea. Why?" Al shrugged and sat down next to Ed, on his bed.  
"Well… I heard that you suddenly ran away from Amy. And after that you didn't come home… Did something happen? Was she that bad?"  
Ed shook his head. Again he had forgotten about Amy… It was true that all he was able to think nowadays was Mustang but… maybe he was also indifferent… Ed felt guilt striking him as he remembered Amy's teary eyes. Maybe he was just an asshole. "I don't really want to talk about it…"

Al sighed and was silent for a moment before he said: "I heard from Rebecca you said to Amy that you have feelings for someone else…" Ed didn't answer and Al continued: "Did you mean Mustang?"

Ed sighed. There was no point in lying now… And besides, Ed didn't want to lie to Al. He nodded.  
"So… do you love him?" Why was Al asking that? _He_ was the first one saying Ed was in love… Maybe he just wanted to make sure or something… "I… do."  
Ed glanced at his brother quickly and saw that he was smiling.  
"Well… It's too bad that you and Amy didn't work out after all. But it's better like this. I don't want you to lie to yourself, brother… I'm glad that you realized your feelings." Ed nodded.  
"What are you going to do now?" What was he going to do…? He had no idea.  
"I don't know," Ed said quietly.  
"Aren't you going to tell him…?" Ed laughed dryly, shaking his head.  
"What's the point? He loves someone else."

If it hurt to think about that, it hurt _even more_ to say it out loud… It felt like Ed was accepting it as the only possible truth. But there was no point in denying it, holding onto a false hope either. "Are you sure…?"  
Ed glanced at Al and saw that there was a puzzled look on his face. "Damn sure, why?"  
"When he was here, he kept on staring at you. And when you talked, it seemed like he was listening to every single word coming out of your mouth… When you came around, he seemed lighten up too…"

Ed closed his eyes. He _did not_ want to hear those kinds of things… He should just let Al's words pass him by, without grabbing that false hope but… it was damn hard to do that. "You're just imagining," Ed said quietly, almost whispering, feeling his brother's eyes on him. Al sighed but got up, without saying anything.  
"If you say so… Want something to eat 'cause I'm starving?"  
Ed shook his head and he was glad as Al left the room.

Since when _I_ have been this pathetic, he thought to himself when he just lay there, staring at the ceiling. _Since you started to have feelings for Mustang_, a voice in his head replied to him. "Oh, shut up," Ed said out loud and sighed. Somehow, Al's words were lingering on his mind: "_What are you going to do now_?"  
What should he do? If he'd tell Mustang… No, that would only cause problems and Ed… didn't want to cause them for Mustang. He was sure that Mustang already had enough problems without him causing them even more.

Ed knit his brows together. It was so damn _weird_. Come on, there he was, thinking how he did _not_ want to cause problems for Mustang while it hadn't been that long since he would be satisfied to do that… Besides, Ed didn't want to hear Mustang's answer… To see his reaction. What would he say? Or do? Laugh? Ed could see that coming… After all, it _was_very ironical, something that Mustang would really laugh at. His 14 years younger ex-subordinate, telling him about his feelings…? Comical, truly…

But if Mustang would only say something like: "Sorry, I don't feel the same way… but I hope we can still be friends," or something among those lines… That would hurt even more. It would happen more likely than Mustang laughing… since the man _had been _quite nice for Ed… But being rejected like that… Ed didn't want it. Because it would only make him realize all the things he could never have… He could never have Roy. And that thought made Ed feel like shit.

* * *

Eventually, Ed got tired of his routines. He was only going to school and then home to continue to feel like shit because he was the number one idiot, falling in love with that last person he should fall in love… So Ed surprised his friends by saying he wanted to go drinking with them. Greg glanced at Andy, Keith and Chris.

"Did I hear correctly? Did _Ed_ really say he wants to come drinking with us?" Chris grinned.  
"Like that would happen… Last time was months ago." Ed snorted.  
"Well I'm _sorry_ that I've been too busy… If you're not interested, just forget it…"  
"Being in love sure makes you busy," Keith coughed which made Andy glare at him and sigh.  
"Ed, don't mind about these two idiots… Of course you can come with us."  
Ed forced a little smile and asked: "Great. So, where and when?"

Maybe it was a mistake. But Ed just wanted to get his mind away from Mustang, even if it was just for a second… why couldn't he do that? His apathetic mood wasn't going anywhere even though he was having his probably thousandth drink and his friends were goofing around, having so much fun…  
"Hi! Are you interested in dancing?"  
Ed turned his head to see a redheaded woman in a dress. She was rather good-looking, even Ed realized that but still, he found himself saying: "Sorry, I'm really not in the mood…"

And with those words, Ed turned and drank his glass empty. He stared at the lights and dancing people reflected on the glass. That was kind of like this life. Reflections upon a glass. Ed realized that for thinking something like that, he was already quite drunk.  
"Oh you poor thing. You look quite sad. What could make such a handsome guy that sad? I could cheer you up, you know…"  
Ed sighed. That was one reason he couldn't understand women, probably never would.

Even though Ed was like that, sighing and depressed, that woman was basically forcing herself on Ed. As if that would make him any more interested than he was… Ed was quite annoyed when that woman started to run her fingers on Ed's left hand.  
"You know… You're definitely the sexiest guy here. I'm sure you're spotted no matter where you go… that must be hard for you."  
Ed ordered a new drink, ignoring the woman. Usually Ed would have a hard time, trying to decide whether he should be embarrassed or flattered from that kind of comment, for being said that he was sexy but now he just couldn't bring himself to care. Besides… did that woman really think Ed was depressed over something like _that_? Oh come on…

"Sorry to interrupt but Ed here is having heartache…"  
Ed drank his glass empty as he heard Andy's voice behind him.  
"Oh, really? Is that so, Ed…? I can't see who _wouldn't_ want you…"  
Ed glared at the woman, finally losing his patience with her.  
"Well let's see… Perhaps my ex-superior commander who just happens to be 14 years my senior _and_ a man." Ed turned his attention back to his glass and found out it was empty. When had he drink it all…?

"Oh… I… I didn't realize you were… um… Excuse me…"  
Ed didn't even glance at the woman as he heard her walking away. Instead of that, Ed ordered yet another drink and just when he was about to shove it down his throat, a hand grabbed the glass. Ed turned around a little too fast, almost falling down his chair. As the managed to sharpen his gaze, he realized who had taken his glass.

"Andy… damn it, give it back!"  
Andy sighed, sitting besides Ed.  
"That was really unnecessary you know… And you've had enough to drink already."  
"I know it was unneca…ce…fuck, that word is difficult… But I _haven't_ had enough yet… 'Cause I can't… I can't fucking get him out of my head." Andy sighed even more louder, turning to face Ed.  
"Look, Ed… I can't tell how you feel but it must feel like shit, I can see that just by looking at you. But acting like that won't make you feel any better. You can't just drink 'til you forget. It's not how it works…"

Ed laughed a bit dryly, grabbing the drink from Andy's hand. "We'll see about that," he said, drinking the glass empty to face Andy's angry expression. "I'm sure _he_ wouldn't want to see you like that."  
Ed stared at the table, thinking about Andy's words… If Mustang _would_ see Ed, drinking way too much just to forget something… Ed was sure Mustang would be angry. Perhaps he would yell at him just like he had yelled at Havoc… But that would make Ed feel even more like shit. _Why did he have to care so much_?

"Ed… You know, I've been wondering about something for a while now…"  
Ed turned his gaze back to Andy. "Hm? About what?"  
Andy's uneasy expression made Ed focus his entire mind to him. "What is it, Andy?"  
Andy shrugged. "Well… nothing important really…" Ed grabbed his hand.  
"Come on, just blurt it out." Andy stared at Ed's hand for a while before he really did as Ed told.  
"How long have you known that you're… well, _gay_?"

Ed's eyes widened as he stared at Andy, pulling his hand away quickly. _Gay_? He _was not_ gay… Or was he?  
"Um… I don't know… if I _am_… I've been interested in girls but not that much you know. Mustang's the first one I've been in love with…"  
Andy stared at him for a while.  
"So… you've never been with a guy…?" Ed shook his head.  
"Did you really think I had?" Andy shook his head. "Nah, not really…" Ed glanced at him.

"Why you're asking?" Andy shrugged, avoiding Ed's glance.  
"No particular reason…" Ed snorted.  
"Yeah sure. I'm not buying that. You don't have to fake… besides, you're not good at it."  
Andy rolled his eyes. "Alright. Just… don't tell anyone, okay?" Ed nodded.  
"I… I think I'm… you know." Ed stared at him in disbelief.  
"Gay?" Andy glanced around him. "Yea, just announce it to everybody here!"

Ed wondered that information for a while, looking at Andy up and down. He had never thought that one of his friends… well, Mustang was too… Oh, wait, he liked both men and women… and about himself, Ed really wasn't sure… Thinking about that, Andy must've had a reason too… "You're interested in somebody…?" Andy looked really uneasy.  
"Well… yea… I guess." Ed stared at him, puzzled, until a thought stroke him.  
"Um… it's not like there's something bad about you, Andy but I really… Sorry but I – "  
Ed could never finish his sentence because Andy punched him a bit on the head.

"You idiot, it's not _you_… though I _do_ find you really good-looking but… it's that goof over there," Andy said, nodding at one corner and as Ed turned his head to look, he saw Keith who had apparently joined a drinking contest, as usually. "Oh… _oh._"  
Andy, who was really smart and collected, who understood people's feelings and Keith who made everything into a joke and who didn't know that the word '_tactful'_ meant…

Well… opposites attract… "Yeah…" Ed glanced at Andy, when he remembered something.  
"Doesn't Keith have a girlfriend…?" With his drunken mind, Ed remembered also that Keith had been with that girl for a really long time…  
"He does. And probably will have. They're a good match." Ed knit his brows together.  
"So… what you're gonna do about it?" Andy laughed a bit.  
"Nothing. I wanna stay friends with him, I don't wanna lose him. And this is just a crush, I'm sure it will go away in time…"

Andy sure sounded like he was so sure about it. Ed wasn't certain if it was the alcohol or not, but somehow he got the feeling that Andy didn't quite believe his own words either.  
"Anyways, it's not that big a deal. You must have it worse with that Roy…" Ed smiled unhappily.  
"Guess so…" Somehow, Andy confessing that to him, made Ed realize that he wasn't the only one feeling like shit. Even though Andy had feelings for Keith, he didn't hurt other people around him… Somehow Ed realized that he couldn't go on like that. He glanced at the drink he had ordered some time ago.  
"That's on me," Ed said as he handed the drink for Andy.  
"I think I'm gonna go home now or else Al's gonna nag at me even more. See you around."

* * *

"Amy! Wait up!"  
The brunette turned around, surprised to see Ed running towards him.  
"Um… do you have a second?" Ed ended up sitting on a café with Amy, drinking coffee with a really awkward atmosphere.  
"Look… I'm _really_ sorry about the last time. I shouldn't have taken you out in the first place…"  
Amy shook her head. "It's alright…"  
"No, it's not. I was really selfish and I think you own a proper explanation… It's true that I had – and _still have_– feelings for someone else… And the reason why I took you out was because I wanted to forget about that other person… Which was wrong. So… I'm sorry. I really am."

Ed bit his lip, waiting for Amy's answer.  
"I'm glad you told me. You are a really good person; believe it, because you are. I hope that the person you have feelings for, can understand that too. If you don't mind… we could be just friends? Maybe not yet but… later?"  
Ed lifted his head, staring at Amy for a moment, not being sure if he had heard correct. Then Ed nodded and smiled.  
"Thanks…I'm sure we can."

"What's up with you?"  
Ed glanced at Al. "What do you mean?"  
Al stared at his brother for a while, wondering about something.  
"Well… first you're really depressed for days but now you seem to be perfectly fine. Something happened with Mus – eh, Roy?"  
Ed stared at the table; suddenly he wasn't starving like he had been. "My mood doesn't depend on him… " Al glanced at Ed.  
"Whatever you say, brother," he said, sounding a bit tired to repeat that sentence over and over again.

"Oh, that reminds me… He called you earlier today but you were still sleeping and he insisted that I wouldn't wake you up." _Had_ Ed been hungry in the first place? Because he sure wasn't anymore.  
"Oh really… uh, what did he say?" Al glanced at Ed with an expression which Ed couldn't interpret.  
"Well… he told that he was wondering if you were alright since he hasn't seen you in a while. And he sent his regards… Are you avoiding him by any chance?"  
Ed shrugged, moving the food around on his plate. "What does it matter if I am?" Al sighed.  
"I don't know… it seems like it matters to him." Ed bit his lip. "Why would it matter to him?"

"He sounded like he was really upset… I think he misses you. And I sure know he cares about you. Do you really want to make him worry about you?"  
Ed got up, slamming his fists against the table.  
"No, I fucking don't! I don't want him to miss me or to care or to worry about me!"  
Ed rushed out of the kitchen to his room, jumping on the bed, his face against his pillow. There he was, being more pathetic than ever… Getting angry at his brother over the stupidest thing, acting like a kid… Al followed him after a while.

"You know… I was really glad that you sorted things out with Amy and she seemed to be happier too. But there's still one person who you should sort things out too…"  
Ed sighed and sat up next to his brother.  
"What exactly should I say to him? '_Oh hi, Mustang. Guess what, I'm in fucking love with you, isn't that hilarious? So that's the reason why I've been avoiding you and why I really can't be around you anymore 'cause every fucking thing you do makes me just… fall in love even more…_'"  
Saying that made Ed quite embarrassed. What kind of brother – _older_ brother – said something like that in front of his brother?

"Well… that's an option too. First of all, you should just face him. You can't avoid him forever. You know… this kind of reminds me of the times in the military when you had destroyed something and were avoiding facing Roy because you didn't want to hear his complaints."

Ed snorted. Al did have a point… Back then Ed used to think that Mustang was but a bastard, that the man's whole existence was to piss Ed off. But now, thinking back, Ed realized that all Mustang had been doing, his every move seemed to be to protect Ed and Al. For some reason, the man had always played some kind of role, being a bastard in front of Ed, a reason why it had taken so long to realize that Mustang wanted to make sure that he was safe and that Ed would stay alive.

But now… it seemed like Mustang had stripped himself off of his roles, in front of Ed, most of them. And after seeing the _real_ Roy Mustang, Ed had… fallen in love. Why had Mustang always played a role? Why had he stopped doing that in front of Ed?

Ed sighed. It was true, he still couldn't tell what it was that Mustang was thinking about… Suddenly Ed's gaze caught something in the hall. The umbrella… Ed still hadn't returned it to Mustang. Maybe it was about the time. Al was right; he had to face Mustang _sometime_. Besides… if Mustang really missed him, Ed missed the man even more. He couldn't help but recalling again and again the feeling of Mustang's strong, stable arms as he had hugged Ed…

There were few people who had made or made Ed feel as safe and comfortable. His mom. And Al. But they were different. Because Ed had loved his mom. And he loved Al too. But he was_ in love _with Mustang. That was the thing which made it feel slightly different. Why it had felt familiar and still so unfamiliar when Mustang had wrapped his arms around him. Ed wanted to feel like that again… Even if it was just for a while, even if it was just for once, for the last time… He _needed_ to feel like that again.


	7. Love Hurts

**_A/N: The final chapter is here... What can I say? I realize now that things happen a little too fast but... oh well. This is the first long story I've ever published, _in English, _so I'm kinda proud of myself atm. (:_** _**  
Will Ed and Roy finally realize with their thick heads...? Read and see! :D**_

**7. Love hurts**

Ed glanced at his left hand which was shaking a bit.  
"Why the fuck am I so nervous," Ed muttered aloud though he sure knew the answer. After three weeks, he was standing outside the building where Mustang lived. Ed had remembered to bring the umbrella too since it was raining a bit. Ed glanced at the sky, being certain that the rain would get heavy soon enough. Ed glanced at the window of Mustang's kitchen. There wasn't any light on… And as Ed glanced at the man's balcony, he saw that the living-room was also dark. _It seems that he's not home… Maybe I should just leave the umbrella behind his door and go home_.

"Ed?"  
As he heard the familiar voice, Ed froze to face Mustang himself, standing a few meters away from him, his hair a bit wet, carrying two bags.  
"Um… hi. I – I just came to bring this when I finally remembered," Ed said, showing the umbrella. Mustang was silent, just looking at Ed for a while before he nodded.  
"You coming in? It looks like the rain is getting heavier…"  
Ed nodded in turn and followed Mustang inside. "Let's use the elevator…"  
Ed said nothing and as they went inside the elevator, Ed had to wonder _who the hell had decided the elevator to be so small and why_?

Awkward silence fell as Mustang pressed the button and the elevator jerked a bit before it lifted them up. Ed counted the seconds to get out of there, he was sure he had never felt so uneasy, Mustang being quite close, Ed feeling his eyes on him. Was it only Ed or was the atmosphere really tense? He couldn't tell. And suddenly the elevator stopped, with a strong jerk, making Mustang fall out of balance so that when Ed finally dared to open his eyes, he realized that Mustang was just few inches away from him, his hands locking Ed's way out, his breath warm against Ed's skin.

Ed glanced up to face Mustang's eyes which were intense, making Ed lock their gazes. Ed swallowed, knowing that it _wasn't_ only him. It was Mustang too… Tension between them was obvious now that Ed was feeling Mustang's body against his own. Ed's heart was beating almost painfully fast against his chest, the air was thick and his breathing was almost as fast as his heartbeats… Mustang seemed to be leaning even closer which made Ed open his lips slightly; he had the urge of closing his eyes as from a reflex.

And then Mustang moved away from Ed, leaving Ed staring at him confused.  
"This damn elevator does this every now and then… We'll just have to wait; it will work again eventually…"  
Ed sneered for a reply. Why was he suddenly feeling really disappointed? And… well, empty? Why suddenly Mustang seemed to be so unreachable?

Ed sighed. For a moment there… he had been – unconsciously – wishing that… something would have happened… How foolish of him. _Again _he had been hoping that Mustang would kiss him. Was he an idiot? He was really acting like some love struck little girl… But he couldn't help it. And it really had seemed like Mustang would do it, for real that time. Ed had been sure that he would… and then he had just pulled away.

But no matter how Ed looked at it, he knew Mustang had no reason to go and kiss Ed in the first place… Or… what if… Mustang was just fooling around with Ed? No… he wasn't like that. Even though Ed had thought he was a bastard in the past, now he knew that the man was far from it. Then… why?  
"Ed… You alright?" Ed blinked his eyes and glanced at Mustang who was staring at him. "Yea… why?" Mustang raised his eyebrows.  
"That doesn't really convince me since you've stared for quite some time in the distance, not hearing me at all…" Ed shook his head.  
"Err… I just got lost into my thoughts…"

The heavy silence fell between them once again. Even before Ed had realized that he was in love with the man who was currently standing before him, stuck with him in an elevator, the silences between them had been somehow awkward. But that was awkwardness on a whole new level… Ed made a note to himself to never get on an elevator with someone he had feelings for…

After the silence just got thicker and thicker, Ed had to say something, _anything_…  
"Er… I've never thanked you… you know, for all the time you took care of me and Al while we were looking for the Philosopher's stone…"  
Mustang chuckled a bit, making Ed glance at him, wondering why he was laughing.  
"Sorry that just was a bit unexpected… and back then I was sure that you would never thank me for anything at all." Ed shrugged. That was true…  
"Well… I was a brat back then. I've changed. And now I've realized that you're really not a bastard… far from it… you really… care about people, don't you?"

Mustang was quiet for quite some time, until he nodded.  
"Yeah. I guess so. It was always rather hard _not_ to care about you. And worry about you. I still do… since I happen to know that for you staying out of trouble is impossible."  
Ed snorted as Mustang smirked. The awkward feeling seemed to disappear and Ed was really happy that Mustang was opening up like that… It felt good to know what he was thinking of. But to hear Mustang actually saying that he really cared and worried about Ed… it really didn't make it easier for Ed to let go. Though he wasn't that certain if he could be able to do that anyways…

"By the way… I saw you the other day."  
Ed glanced at Mustang. "Oh… where?"  
"You were with some cute girl, in a café." Oh, so Mustang had sawn Ed with Amy…  
"Actually… I was there too, having coffee. I happened to overhear you talking…"  
Ed swallowed. _Oh fuck_. "Err… Did you?"  
"Sorry about that, I didn't have any _intention _to do that… I have to say I was rather surprised. You seem to have really strong feelings towards someone."

_FUCK_. Of course Mustang had heard that part where Ed had been saying all that stuff about why he had ditched Amy… "Uh… that's…"  
"That isn't like you, is it? To go out with someone, just so you could forget about someone else… or just to have so strong feelings towards anyone…"  
Ed bit his lip, suddenly being sure that Mustang knew. Of course he would realize just by Ed's behavior, the man was _really_ smart after all… And now he was just trying to make Ed confess something he already knew because he wanted to hear it from Ed…

A tiny little voice in Ed's head said that he wasn't thinking clearly at the moment but he couldn't bring himself to hear out that little voice. Not when he was going through some kind of brainstorm and panic over being revealed. Why was he like that? He wished he could be more like Mustang, so that no one could really understand him… But no, he was Edward Elric, way too easy to figure, especially for Roy Mustang.

"No, it damn sure isn't like me. You _know_ why I did something like that, don't you? I went out with her because I thought that by doing that, I could possibly start to like her, to have feelings for her! That eventually I could date her and that my every single thought would be about her, not about _you_! Yeah, it _isn't_ like me to have this strong feelings… It's not like me to fucking fall in love! But guess what? I did! I fell in love with you and it seems that I can't stop it so… I… can't really be around you anymore… 'cause I know that you love someone else…"

Ed put his hand against his face, he didn't want Mustang to see his face right now… he didn't want him to see the tears which started to roll down his cheeks. And he sure as hell didn't want to see Mustang's expression…  
"Ed… I…"  
Ed bit his lip. He _didn't_ want to hear. He _didn't _want Mustang to be way too caring and kind… Suddenly the elevator jerked again and started to move. It took only a few seconds as the elevator stopped and the door opened. Ed rushed out, almost falling down the stairs since everything was blurry thanks to his teary eyes and his messed up head, not quite hearing Mustang calling his name.

What the hell had he said? By Mustang's reaction, the two words he had said, he had obviously been really shocked from Ed's confession… Which had to mean that he _hadn't _known…? Well, he knew damn well now… Once again, Ed had messed up everything again. He rushed outside, barely realizing the rain was already pouring down from the sky, making Ed and his clothes completely soaked in a few seconds.

Between his anxiety and the unbearable urge to run away from everything, Ed had to wonder how the hell it was possible for him to mess up his entire life all over again. Was it something he just _had_ to do every now and then? Just when everything was good enough, a single wrong move or word and Ed had ruined everything that was good… He just couldn't stop breaking things…  
"ED!"

_No, no, no_… Why had Mustang ran after him? Did Ed really need to wonder why? Mustang had said it himself, he worried about Ed constantly… He just wanted to make sure that Ed wouldn't do anything stupid, that he wouldn't get in trouble… Even though he didn't feel the same. It hurt. It hurt so _fucking_ much. Ed had never realized why people cried over love…  
Why his mom had waited all those years for his dad, crying almost every night when she thought that Ed and Al had fallen asleep… Or why Al had been depressed for months if he got dumped by his girlfriend or if he broke up with them… Or why Winry had been so anxious because of him in the past… Or why Mustang had said that he didn't want to let go, even though the person he loved would never response to his feelings…

Before, Ed wouldn't even have realized how much it must hurt Andy to have feelings for Keith who would probably never broke up with his girlfriend, even if he would, he was straight – therefore – he could never have feelings for Andy…

But now Ed realized it better than ever. It wasn't the same to hear things about it, to see it. You had to experience it, to feel it by yourself… Running away from Mustang, Ed realized how perfectly true it was: _love hurts_. That being able to love someone had always its price. It was equivalent exchange. That happiness, those feelings, to see that person's faults and good parts and being still able to love every part of them… it meant that you had to suffer too. Even something as 'love' had its equivalent exchange. For the first time, Ed realized that.

Suddenly bright lights blinded Ed, with a loud voice, Ed heard Mustang crying his name, until… Everything went black.

* * *

As Ed opened his eyes, he realized that arms were holding him tightly, squeezing the breath out of his lungs. Mustang was holding him… breathing heavily, sounding like it was hard for him to do that. Ed turned his head to see a car nearby and a woman who was shaking from head to toes, crying and talking with Mustang, asking if he, _Ed _was alright.

"I'm fine," Ed managed to say which made Mustang turn him around, so that Ed was facing him.  
"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING," he yelled, breathing heavily.  
"Do you realize ANYTHING? As you a kid, haven't you been taught to stop and see if there are cars coming? YOU COULD'VE DIED! Why do you always do this, almost get yourself killed, and make me worry so fucking much, almost causing me a heart attack! I _can't_ lose you…"

Ed couldn't do nothing but blink his eyes, staring at Mustang, not knowing what the hell he should think about the man's outburst. Ed didn't have time to think either because the next thing Mustang did was pressing his lips against Ed's and kissing him almost violently. It didn't last long, Ed managed to realize that for some reason he was being kissed by Mustang when the man suddenly pulled away and turned his head to face the driver who was staring at them with eyes wide open.  
"It's alright. No one was hurt. Do you have a cell phone?"

Ed saw the woman nodding, still looking quite shocked but Ed got the feeling that it wasn't because of the almost-accident anymore but because of Mustang's outburst and the sudden kiss which had made Ed's every thought freeze while his lips were burning.  
"Do you have someone to call to? You shouldn't drive by yourself; you must be in a shock…"  
The woman nodded again and said with a trembling voice: "Yes… I will do that. Thank you. And I'm so, _so_ sorry… Please, look out for yourselves…"  
With those words the woman went to her car and grabbed her phone.

Ed turned his gaze away from her as Mustang leaned his head against Ed's chest.  
"Please, Ed… don't do anything like that ever again…" Ed swallowed, finally managing to collect his thoughts a bit from the shock of the fast chain of events.  
"What… what was that," Ed asked, his voice trembling a bit. Mustang turned his gaze at him, knowing that Ed meant the kiss.  
"I'm sorry… that was… I - really thought I would lose you… And after finding out you're in love with me… that's the last thing I want." Ed stared at the man in disbelief.  
"But… that doesn't make any sense…"

Mustang smiled a bit, brining his hands to Ed's cheeks, wiping the tears away which were still rolling down Ed's cheeks.  
"You are wrong about one thing. I'm _not_ in love with someone else… I'm in love with _you_, Ed. Been for years. That's why… I've been so protective over you. That's why I've always wanted to know your every move… so that I could look out for you, making sure everything alright with you… Why I lost my nerve when Jean was touching you… I just can't be calm when it's about you, never have been able to do that… You're the only one."

Ed's gaze fall and he sniffled a bit. God… did that sound amazing… But there was one thing, making Ed doubt Mustang's words even though all Ed wanted to do was to believe them, to let his words wash all that pain away…  
"But… what about _him_? The person you've been talking about? The one you're in love with?"  
Mustang laughed a bit, leaning in, placing his forehead against Ed's own.  
"Weren't you listening to me at all? I told you already, you fool. I never mentioned his name, did I? I tell you now: his name is _Edward Elric_, known as _Fullmetal _also. I was talking about _you_. _You're_ the one I love. So don't run away from me anymore…"

And then Mustang kissed Ed, this time it was passionate and gentle at the same time and thinking about Mustang's words, that _he_ was the one Mustang was in love, all the things he had said… about not wanting to give up, about being afraid to confess his feelings, about trying to give clear hints… Everything fell into its place, like a puzzle being solved. When Ed realized all that, he could do nothing but return the kiss, wrapping his arms around Mustang's neck. As they were completely out of breath, they pulled apart, Ed couldn't help but smiling, the happiness flowing over.

He had been happy many times but… this was something more. Like his chest would explode from all that, it was making him smile with his eyes, with his whole face, holding Mustang as close as possible, hoping it would be possible for one moment to last forever. And every single reason why Ed had been sad or depressed lately seemed to be washed away because Mustang was close, holding him up, because _he loved Ed too_.

"You know… I really _do_ love you but… I happen to hate the rain so what about we go to my place?"  
Ed grinned and nodded. "Sounds good to me."  
They got up and waved to the woman who waved back from her car, seeming to be okay since she was smiling. Mustang grabbed Ed's hand and they started to run in the rain all the way to Mustang's apartment building. Mustang picked his grocery bags from the elevator and Ed got the umbrella. They went in and Mustang basically pushed Ed into the bathroom and Ed pulled him in too. For a moment the two of them just stood there, shivering from the cold, staring at each other... until Mustang made the first move, moving towards Ed, opening his braid, making Ed unbutton his shirt, both of them slowly undressing each other, never breaking the eye contact.

Ed opened the hammer and the water was boiling hot as Ed pulled Mustang even closer, making their bodies meet, and it took only few seconds as the bodies numb from the cold turned into heating and boiling and when Mustang leaned in to kiss Ed, pulling away to whisper in Ed's ear: "Now it's about the time you start calling me by my first name," Ed realized damn well why he was called _Flame_ because his whole body was aching, craving for the man to touch him, feeling like every second he had been apart from _Roy _were making his body scream, wanting to feel the man so much closer, to get as close as it was possible. 

Later, Ed woke up in the middle of the night, feeling a bit confused because he had no idea where he was. Ed glanced around in the room, to see a person sleeping next to him. And suddenly Ed remembered everything. He crawled closer to Roy, smiling. Because he was exactly where he was supposed to be. Ed breathed in Roy's scent and by Roy's sleepy smile; Ed knew that he felt the same as Ed did. And right there, in that moment… Ed didn't feel uneasy at all. He didn't feel as if there was something he was missing. Because now… he had everything he needed. 

_**A/N: Such a cliché, the end, don't you think? But we all love them, right? : DD Did you like it? Loved it? Hated it? Let me know, I appreciate every single review I get. Yet again, thanks for everyone who has reviewed this fic. Your comments have really inspired me to get this finished and published. Have I said it all...? I guess so. I think for now I'll get back to my unfinished Roy/Ed-oneshots... :D  
**_


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